.........

2007-05-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

I am tired of work and school. I don't know what to do anymore. But I know I have to go through this to achieve my goal. And this is aso a preparation for it. I am physically, emotionally and mentally drained.

I just want to walk away from everything. But of course I won't do that.

First Day

2007-03-10T09:13:00.001-08:00

Between my last post and now, a lot of things happened. The job that I got, I didn't actually get. I got sooo depressed. They offered me a position at another facility. But they want me to take a look and see what my duties are before actually committing with the company. I just didn't like the idea because it's a very slow process. I really need the job because I start paying my student loans this month.

"When it rains, it pours!"

I got three job offers in one day, almost a week after the issue on the other facility. But, I chose the one that's near. It's like 5-7 minutes away from our house. It's even nearer rann's house. They offered me a better starting pay, too. I hope this goes well because to day is my first day and I'm sooo nervous.

And yeah, please remember me in your prayers. I have midterms next week. I have never freaked out on a midterm before until this.

2007-02-28T23:55:00.000-08:00

boys + girls + booze = ???????

Go figure.

********

Am I that burnt so much in the past that I can't seem to trust people?

Well, maybe. You can blame my stupid ex-boyfriends for that. Just kidding. Ok?!

Apparently, I couldn't sleep very well. So, I decided to visit my blog and just whine about my thoughts and any other random stuff in my mind.

RANDOM STUFF #1
I have found a good use for my PSP just recently. BROWSING THE NET WHILE IN SCHOOL. Isn't that nice? Well, of course, I couldn't do that right in front of the professor. It's just for for those times in between classes.

RANDOM STUFF #2
I still can't accept the fact that my significant other is at his friend's house.. PARTYING! And he was the one who told me he was serious about school. Well, he only has a final exam for his class tomorrow. So, what the heck? Right?

RANDOM STUFF #3
I hate guys with vices.

RANDOM STUFF #4
I still don't know what to say for tomorrow's history presentation. My group is so unprepared. I think we're just supposed to read off the slides. I read the material. Come what may!

RANDOM STUFF #5
I hope we're okay by now. Then, this party came along and I'm once again.. you know! Not myself! Can I be more irrational and selfish than that?! Well, he was the one who told me about the bad stuff he used to do when he got drunk before. And it was NOT very pleasing to hear. So, I won't brag about it.

********

Now, I'm gonna go and try to get some sleep. HOPING... that he wouldn't be able to read about this. OH WELL!

2007-02-23T16:31:00.000-08:00

What do we all want in a relationship?

Honestly.. I don't know anymore. I don't even know if I want to be in a relationship at times because it is so painful. Especially when you guys don't have anything nice to say to each other. You're supposed to bring out the best in each other. But you end up making the other person feel degraded. I'm not as jealous before as I am now. But I also do not think that that is my fault. I have a lot of shortcomings. But that doesn't make the other person.. good! He just doesn't admit he's wrong. And I don't wanna have to pinpoint everything to him because I can't. It's not possible to enumerate every bad deed that another person has done. I am not a bad person. I am not a bad person.

If I don't see something, that doesn't mean I'm blind! There's just nothing to see, really! I don't know what is hindering the feeling that he is showing me.. It's just not the same anymore! I'm kinda getting used to it though. I told him that he is less sweeter now than he is before. And he would always say that I'm forcing him. And with that, he is more reluctant to show his sweet side. That's not the answer that I wanted. I want him to say that everything will go back to normal. That everything's fine. But I don't here any of that. He's not giving me anything to hold on to.

I just hope that when time comes that he's willing to be himself again... I'm still here. If not, I tried!

I'm still waiting for things to change.
I'm still waiting for things to happen.

But if the time comes that I couldn't wait no more.... OH WELL!

Eyes Gone Bad

2007-02-15T18:22:00.000-08:00

Yes. It's true. I went to the optometrist last Saturday and found out I needed glasses. I thought I was gonna be okay. But that was just the beginning. My employer required of me to have a physical exam. So, I was sent to a medical center that did those kind of things. They were pretty tough on that exam. I didn't know that it would matter if my glasses weren't available yet since I've only ordered them. (BTW, I got OAKLEY prescription glasses with transition lenses) Apparently, it did. They would not give me the OK because of my right eye. I got sooo depressed that it totally ruin my day. I seriously cannot believe it. My eyes are very important to me. And, having to use glasses on every little thing that I do is going to affect me a lot. I don't know what led to this. All I know is that, I am very much disheartened. Crying was the only thing I can do after being dropped off the house by the boyfriend.

I wish I become productive with my four-day weekend. Yes, a four-day weekend. Aren't you jealous?!

2007-02-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

Finally!

I got a job. It's not exactly the "job of my dreams". Far from it, actually. But it's a start. I waited for "the call" for about a week and all the waiting paid off. I'm excited and nervous. Both of which are very common to a new nurse. OMGosh...

I actually called myself a nurse...

It feels weird!

This probably will be my last free weekend since I asked for the weekend shift. I have to say goodbye, again, to my non-existent social life. *sarcastic tone*

********

School is doing fine. Not great. Just fine. Too many papers... Even my history project requires article and book reviews. It's too much load. But I know it's only gonna get worse. It's sooo different from the college life I experienced in the Philippines. I can't even sleep well just thinking about the paper that's due next week or the math exam coming up. And I'm not even majoring yet. All I have are math (intermediate algebra), english (college writing), history (world civilization) and art (fundamentals). I don't even remember getting stressed for an Anatomy and Physiology quiz as much I have for a History discussion.

I seriously hope procrastination won't get the best out of me this weekend. So, I can finish with all my stuff.

********

Camille, lapit na birthday mo!!! I miss you! Love you lots!

2007-01-28T00:10:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt that feeling when you know something's wrong? And no matter how hard you try on isolating the problem... you just simply can't? How bout that much needed space? Well, not really much needed. But you know you just need to get away from it all. Have you ever felt like everyhing's a routine? Like you do stuff automatically, without even knowing the root of why you're doing it in the first place.

I have to admit. I have been feeling (kinda, sorta) that way lately. But not in the exaggerated type.

I always get into a fight with my significant other. And it's hard specially when you know that what you have is really a special thing. There would be times when we wouldn't know where it started. It got tiring. After all the bickering, the squabbling, the argument.. all you wanna do is just step back, turn your back, and leave. But you're not actually turning your back on him, only at the moment. It's hard. Really hard.

But I always take the blame. I've become the person that I'm not. I've become very irrational and shallow-minded. I know I'm better than that and I'm seriously trying to change. I just hope that he could see that though.

Don't you just wish that everytime something good turns to bad, we could just turn our back? *wishful thinking* But that's not possible. That's very immature.

I haven't been in my best shape lately and it's a problem that I have to deal with A.S.A.P. I just hope that things will work out the way it should be. I'm here to negotiate, not to dictate. Maybe it's in the way that I talk. That might be the reason he thinks I'm too manipulative. I'm not. But that's what he tells me. But like I said, I'm here to compromise. I'm willing to change.

I wish I could go back to my happy place.

2006-12-23T12:02:00.000-08:00

I passed my board exams!!! I've been anxiously waiting for the results for the past 2 weeks and it finally came through!

Thanks for all those who prayed for me, those who messaged and replied to my posts. I really appreciate it!

Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayers!

God is good, all the time!

2006-11-29T23:25:00.000-08:00

Happiness.

Oh come on?! Everyone wants it. I want it. Badly. And now? I think it's within my reach. It's just that I have a lot of doubts that clouds my view of what has come and is to come. I'm not a very patient person when I should be. Everything takes time. Maybe I should take Meredith's line seriously: "Rewards await those wait" or something like that. It's been quite a while since I've been feeling this uneasiness about a lot of sutff. And maybe it's time to let go and start anew. I'm trying my best here. Everyone deserves chances.

Christmas is right around the corner. It is my favorite holiday of the year. And I don't want to be spoiling it by being stupid and making indecisions that I will surely regret. So? I will keep my focus, study hard for my boards, start building my christmas village and by keeping my loved ones close. And try hard to keep my relationshhips. I've been very neglectful of them. I should start taking good care of the people who cares for me. "People care about people who care for themselves".

I. Just. Want. To. Be. Happy.

And make people happy at the same time.

Christmas is a happy holiday. I don't want to be spending it with fake-happy people. I want genuine happiness. And I'll start with myself..

2006-11-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

I'm GUILTY. I've been neglecting this very dear blog of mine. I've been using my account in MULTIPLY.

So what's been up?!

A LOT!

I've been very busy. Boards are coming up and it's giving me panic attacks. I'm sooo nervous and all I've been doing is computer testing. I've never really opened any book. I'm sooo lazy.

I miss this blog.

Anyways, I've been very confused lately. Very confused about things that I could not disclose for now. I don't want to hurt anyone. All I want is to be happy. I don't know know why I'm trying sooo hard. Do we really have to work hard for it?!

Can someone tell me?

Does your past haunt you at times?

I know that's sooo out of the line.. but..

2006-10-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

I'm really sleepy now. But I don't know what I'm still doing here, typing out these words without even knowing if they make sense. I feel like I'm drunk or something, when I didn't even had anything alcoholic for past months. I feel dizzy for no apparent reason. I feel like throwing up. I guess, everything is just taking its toll on me. I even broke down and cry a while ago. Stress is cathing up on me eventhough I just came from a 2-weeks vacation off of school. I don't feel rested though.

I came to school earlier today adn found out from our DON that my papers were already sent to the board. Now, I feel pressured and relieved t the same time. 'Coz I really want to take the test early. But being in the first batch of students who'd have the chance to take it earlier than the rest pressures me. but then, come to think of it. I will still be the one to determine the date and place of my exam. I can even take it in Korea if I want to (But of course I won't).

On a lighter note...

*Department 56 North Pole Series is so addicting. I just can't stop buying from eBay. Gosh! I should stop. But I can't. They're just sooo adoraby cute. Maybe I should work more hours or look for a new job to be able to pay for my addictions. Hehe.

*I really have to clean my room. Maybe it would remove the negative energy.

*I'd have to say that impressing your professor that you actually know something about your field is one of the best feelings. (Well, not really the best. But it sure is damn good!)

2006-10-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

My vacation's almost over and it's like I didn't even feel it. I had sooo much to do (and I still do!). I thought everything was gonna be okay after my LVN program. I suddenly remembered that my Art and Theater classes wil start this October. Shoot that! I'm just sooo relieved that I have people who help me get through this. And I seriously hope that they will help me through the end.

And plus, I work during the weekends. I was scheduled for night shifts. And I mean like, 6 pm to 2 am shifts. They scheduled me for haunt. It's soooo cold and tiring. But I had no choice but to work since I need money for my 'luho'.

My current to-buy-list:
1. Dept. 56 North Pole Villagehouses
2. MAC eyeshadow in Corduroy and face Primer
3. Gilbert's Living With Art 7th edition
4. Black suede boots

BTW, my mom just bought those tall UGG boots in chestnut the other week. They're just sooo adorable and comfy. I like it.

I'm getting all depressed now because of the gloom weather. What's up with that?!?!

2006-10-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

If I don't start movin' my ass around, I would gain like a gazillion pounds. I'm on vacation and it's been like, what? Five
days already. It's so boring. I guess I was so used to being busy with work and school. Oh yeah? I know I'm bored but I haven't started practicing for my violin lessons. (Promise I'm gonna do it tomorrow).

By the way, I passed my exit exams. It's not credited for anything actually. We don't get graded for that. It's only a parameter for which they would tell whether we're somewhat ready to take the NCLEX or whatnot. And I passed. Only 10 did in our class. I feel for those who didn't pass though. They still have to retake it.

After our last day in school, me and some of my classmates had a bonfire. We went to Huntington Beach. Same spot as before. It was sooo cold. We had a lot of fun though.

********
I miss my friends sooo much. And now that I have the time, I started to write them letters. I know that with the technology now, it would be easier to reach them through friendster or email. But for me, nothing would compare to old school snail mail. It's just more sentimental.

********
I should do something. I'm TOO BORED.

2006-09-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

I still don't know what to say!

I graduated from VN school last week. Although my final exam was yesterday and I passed.

We've been celebrating for the past few days. I'm sooo happy that we all graduated (me and my friends).

We already have a lot of plans for the coming week. Bonfire, Knott's Scary Farm, reviewing at either Barnes & Noble or Borders, and other sheeite like that!

I sooo miss my life!

Take a look at some of my recent pics.. Others to be uploaded.. hopefully soon!

http://atheneze.multiply.com/photos

2006-09-07T09:08:00.001-07:00

Less than two weeks before the graduation ceremony and I have till the end of September when I really get to finish my course.

Whew!

Excited but somehow scared. I'm almost there! I can't believe it. After all the drama and the action. After all the sickness and infections. After being scared (to death) that I got scabies from a patient. After all the people who left. I'm still here, still hanging around! With more pride and less ego! Doesn't matter that I'm not in the honor roll. All that matters now is that I'm graduating with all the knowledge and experiences that I learned in a year.

Last Monday (Labor Day=holiday!), I called in sick for work. But it was all worth it 'coz me and my parents went shopping. It was such a de-stresser. And it feels good to use your money for shopping. I'm actually looking for a better paying job now. I mean, Knott's is such a nice place but I just don't think it was well worth it. To be standing up the whole time and being paid with a minimum wage salary. It was a nice experience though. I liked it there!

And yeah, I have to go to work for three hours tomorrow before I go to clinicals. But then, OB isn't that much! Compared to my Med-Surg and Nursing Home rotation! OB is a breather!

Ran bought me Grey's Anatomy Season 1 and I'm sooo into it now. I mean, I used to watch it on TV before but I'm not that dedicated. Now, I'm almost done. Two more episodes to go! I'm planning to buy Season 2 right away.

********
I really have to start studying now.

Thanks to Krish and Ran for helping me out on my assignments.

BTW, I miss my friends sooo much. This is a shout-out for Camille, JC and Ineng!

2006-08-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

I thought I've gone mad for a while there.. But then.. I didn't!

Last week was so busy!

First off, ONLINE CLASSES started for me. It's not much but I didn't know the rules/policies/whatever-they-may-call-it and that we had to do the first assignment on the first day, which, sucked.

You might be thinking.. Why the hell did I enrol on online classes when I still haven't finished VN school, right? I enrolled for one good reason.. MY HEALTH INSURANCE. Why?! Since I'm graduating on September, my insurance will be terminated on September, too because I'm already 19. Then, to be able to keep my insurance, I have to be a full time student (READ: 12 UNITS). Where the heck will I fit it in my schedule?! So I opted for online classes at Cypress College.

Now I have a reason to be in front of my computer!

Work is becoming interesting, too. I didn't think that I would always be looking forward to working at Knott's. I get to meet different people and you're not afraid of talking to them because you're thinking: What are the chances of us meeting again?! Right? Right?

And I also look forward to Friday.. PAYDAY! Hehe. At least now, I do half of my shopping on my own. It's not much but it's okay!

********
I can't believe my last rotation at Sta. Ana Kindred Hospital. They had a scabies breakout. So, I had to go to the doctor. And of course, I'M CLEARED. And I will be there again for a day to make-up for my absences.

FIVE MORE WEEKS.. Then I'm done! Isn't that nice?!

Just make me nail this Neuro Deficits Test.. please!

2006-08-16T21:45:00.000-07:00

So?! This is what it feels like having a job or should I say being a working student. I guess, for now, I can say that I'm looking forward to coming to work at Knott's because I just started. Ask me again after two weeks. Hehe!! I'm enjoying it so far. Another experience to learn from. I can say I've never been exhausted like this because I got to school then I go to work. So this is how it feels.

And those Dr. Scholl's heel gels or whatever-they're-called is such a big help. It makes standing for 7 freaking long hours such a breeze. And I love being at the register (cash register) because it actually hones my money handling skills.

The store that I was assigned is kinda busy. It's like a punk-rock-ish/quiksilver-ish/whatever. But it's fun! I get to mingle with people having different personalities which is by the way my main reason why I worked (not the money, you dork!). I can say that I've slightly improved with y people skills. I know I can do better.

Waaah.. No more friday and Saturday nights for me. Too bad!

.. Oh and by the way..

Knott's Berry Farm is a theme park!

2006-08-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

Two more (busier) months in school! I just can't wait to graduate. Here's the funny part.. Our graduation is on the 18th of September. But our classes won't end till the 29th. Think it's funny?! I think it's STUPID. But what the heck?! I'm graduating! And it's gonna be another "bone taken off my chest".. Right? Right? I'm trying to convince myself that I deserve to be done with this program.

And to add to my busy-ness. I got hired at Knott's Berry Farm. It's not a "dream job" at all. I just wanted to work for the "experience" and to be able to mingle with other people. And I'm serious! I'm pretty excited about the job and it's gonna be like, extra allowance for me. The thing is, I work after class 'till it closes. So?! Good luck to me!

...OMGosh! I can't believe Imma be 19! I'm old!

2006-07-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

Okei..

I've got nothing really important to write about.

But I want everyone (who's readng this) to know that I've been feeling down lately.

I just can't imagine how things turn out and how people would feel about certain people and stuff like that. Well, I'm not against it. Believe me on this. It's just that... I'm in a state of shock. One day, this person would react negatively about this other person. Next thing you know, they have feelings for each other. I'm not jealous. That's for sure! I just couldn't think that what happened to guy no. 2 (refer to article below) would happen to me in a warped kind of way.

I've been stressing out. I have personal problems to deal with and it's getting more and more labyrinthine by the minute. It's taking my attention away from my priorities. I just hope that this would end soon. So that I would be able to be.... myself(?) again!

2006-07-11T20:08:00.000-07:00

Don't you think that there's this unspoken rule that when your friend already likes this "someone", you should stop yourself from liking the same person?!

I don't know. But that's what I think.

Okei. This is gonna get boring.

I was talking to this guy friend of mine (guy no. 1) last night and I kinda scooped onto the issue. This was actually an old story, like years ago or something. I think. His friend (guy no. 2) told him that he likes this "girl" and that maybe guy 1 would like to meet 'coz they came from the same hometown. And so they met. Guy 1 and the girl "clicked". You know the type that instantly became friends and (as guy 1 told me) had a connection, knowing that they came from the same place. Then, guy 1 had to go some place else (a far place). Guy 1 and the girl kept in touch and I guess they became closer and closer until they fell in love. BUT the thing is Guy 2 and the girl is already committed. So, when guy 1 came back, he found out that they married. And this was not the end of it. I guess both guys didn't want to ruin their friendship that they didn't want to talk 'bout it. Parang they let it pass. Guy 2 was jealous of guy 1 because of how the guy 1 and the girl kept their communication. He's even having dreams of guy1 and the girl of running away. Talk about paranoia. Guy 2 even told guy 1 and the girl that it was kinda a mortal sin against him, what they did and what they felt for each other. Obviously, guy 2 was deeply hurt. What he doesn't know is that guy 1 and the girl still talks 'till now. But according to guy 1, they just wanted to become friends. But why should they hide?!

What I think is that..

1. They're still hung up on each other.

2. They still have feelings for each other but there's nothing that they can do 'bout it since girl is married to guy 2.

3. They're hiding under the guise of friendship. And that being friends is their way of holding on to each other.

4. The girl is keeping her options open.

I told my friend that.. he shouldn't be mad at guy 2 because of his jealousy. They're the ones who did that to him. They are the reason why he became, i guess, paranoid. And in the first place, it was guy 2 who came first. I believe that if you're really a friend, you'll give way. Even before you feel anything deeper than friendship, let it go. It's called courtesy and being a true friend. I think it's BS when he told me na "Nagmahal lang sya!" In the first place, he should've known where to stand. Parang for me, hands off dapat!

I don't know if you feel the same way as I do. My friend told me that he kinda felt bad because I made him realize what it meant when guy 2 told him that it was a mortal sin against him. I smiled when I heard that. 'Coz in the back of my mind I really want him to feel bad. He deserves to feel bad. I even told him.. Better to feel this now!

I hope you understood how the story flows. It's sort of complicated. I guess I should have a change of profession. I have the tendency to make people know more 'bout themelves without trying to.

But don't you agree with me?!?! (refer to first line of article)

2006-07-08T23:47:00.000-07:00

I'm really sorry for not being able to post the pics as I promised. I've been so busy (kuno). And Razel didn't give me a copy of the pictures.

Well, I can say that my vacation was satisfying. I had bonfire with my friends, which is a lot of fun. It's actually my first time to go to a beach here. So it was fun. We brought food, played volleyball, and stuff.

Sea World was another first time for me. It was sooo hot down San Diego. It makes me feel glad that I live in Orange County. I was able to see Shamu, dolphins, sea lions, different aquariums.. It was sooo fun. We even brought Jhared, Razel's son, with us. Next time, me and Rann with Razel, Alfred and Jhared if ever, will go to the Aquarium of the Pacific.

During the weekend, DCM choir held a camping at the Oak Knoll Campgrounds. It was a lot of fun, too. I went swimming, played badminton, played with the kids, won 14 bucks during the game.. The only thing is that, there were a lot of flying insects (whatever they were called) and no signal. Gaaah! I thought I was gonna die. Just kidding!

********
On a more serious note:

I'm sooo happy that I've been doing what I wanted to do lately. And yes, I'm happy this way. I don't know how he does or how he did it. But somehow, he's successful. hehe.. At first, I thought that I would never be close to a guy with interests like his. Oh well! We'll see!

2006-06-27T06:04:00.000-07:00

Huntington Beach bonfire with friends is fun fun fun!!! Played volleyball, walked along the shore, had a mini feast, little drinking... but all's good! I wish we could do that again!

Me going to Sea World San Diego today with sila Ate Martha, Me-ann (ate martha's sis), Razel, Alfred and of course, Ran!

But before that, I have to eff-ing pass by th school just to eff-ing sign-in for attendance. But I wouldn't let that stress me out. I'm cool. I'm abusing my vacation.

Pics to follow. 'Coz I was soooo having much fun, I forgot I had my camera with me.

2006-06-20T05:21:00.000-07:00

HOROSCOPE FOR THE DAY

The Bottom Line
Personality clashes may disrupt your positive energy flow, but not for much longer.

In Detail
Get ready for an unexpected event to clear out a lot of stress from your life. A particularly loud and abrasive personality has been making more frequent appearances in your life, much to your annoyance. The good news is that their stay in your realm of reality is not going to go on much longer. A clean sweep will remove most of the conflicts you've been feeling; all you need to do is hang on and wait. In the meantime, diffuse their incendiary presence by drifting off into your happy place.

Don't you think I look happy?! (Sorry just deleted the pic!)

And yes.. I noticed that I've been such a brat these past few days, with everyone giving me their attention. And I apologize to those persons whom I throw my tantrums to. But I am so happy. I've been doing what I want to do like going out and stuff and I'm also ecstatic that TERM III is ending. Ain't that great?!

I have a lot of plans for my one week vacation. I'm totally, absolutely gonna abuse it 'coz after that I still have 3 months to go.

I'm HAPPY yet unsure.

2006-06-10T22:40:00.000-07:00

Am I capable of forgiving the persons that have caused me pain?

That was the question that I've been trying to find answers for. I'm not a bad person. It's just that I find it real hard to forgive someone. Most specially if that someone is a person whom I entrusted my heart with. I had so much expectations for that person which may be the exact reason why I got hurt sooo bad.

They always say that when you love a person, you should never expect something in return. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?! Well, I don't think I've ever given that. 'Coz in any kind of relationship you at least have a thing in your mind that you would want to be reciprocated. Well, for me, that's how it is. There's always that something that you would want from the other.

I'm not saying that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE would never exist for me. Maybe someday!

Okay? Back to the question.

I'm actually in the process of discerning. I've been thinking 'bout everything that wounded (and scarred) my heart. Deep in this stubborn heart of mine, I know that there's still room for those persons that I thought I would never ever forgive. The past can only affect you if you let it. True enough, when I dwell too much about the past, I remember all the hatred that I know had passed. But still, I let it stay in me, which is not good.

I know it's never too late for forgiveness. I think I'm ready. I hope I am.

2006-06-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

I read the book By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept a few months back. But I never had the chance to talk about it. It was actually one of my favorites out of the books that I read. Whatever it was about, moved me. Considering the fact that I was never known for being a risk-taker. I've done a lot of indecisions in the past, which eventually led to another indecision, because I was so afraid. I'm not saying that I would take risks now. All I'm conveying is that, there's nothing really wrong with taking a chance. You'll never know what's on the other side unless you climb over the fence, right?! And you wouldn't want those "what if's" in your head for not doing it. If in the end, it doesn't work, at least, you tried.

"Forget the risks. Take the fall. If it's what you want, then it's worth it all." I got that from ate Vea's myspace account.

Imma share with you the quotes that made an impact on me...
* The heart decides. And what it decides is all that matters.

* We suffer because we FEEL we are giving more than we receive. (I agree!)

* Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks.

* In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you
will be able to win over the person you desire.

* Anyone who can conquer her heart can conquer the world.

* But LOVE is like a DAM; if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current. (Don't let anything or ANYONE get in the way of loving. You'll never know what that tiny crack can do to your relationships.)

* In fairy tales, the princessess kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life, the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs. (Real life sucks!)

* Some people have to be doing battle with someone. Sometimes even with themselves, battling with their own lives. So they begin to create a kind of play in their head, and they write the script based on their frustrations. (For me.. battling with other people or with yourself, for that matter, is a good thing. It makes you strengthen your beliefs. In this way, you create a wall in which you can lean on.)

* Life takes us by surprise and orders us to move toward the unknown - even when we don't want to and when we think we don't need to.

*If PAIN must come, may it come QUICKLY. Because I have a life to live and I need to live it the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either WAIT for him or FORGET him. Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.

(thinking out loud) If you haven't closed THAT door. Don't make me come in. It'll only hurt more, you know! So, hurt me now, if you must.

* Love doesn't ask many questions; because if we stop to think we become fearful. It's an inexplicable fear; it's difficult even to describe it. Maybe it's the fear of being scorned, of not being accepted, or of breaking the spell. It's ridiculous, but that's the way it is. That's why you don't ask - you act. As you've said many times, you have to take risks.

* Men always have their reasons. But the fact is that they always wind up leaving. (Exactly!)

*Most human beings still cannot trust love. (And I may be one of them. Reason?! You'll find out sooner or later!)

*Love perseveres. Its men who change.

Why are we ALMOST ALWAYS afraid of what's on the other side?! I admit that I am. Are you?! ;)

2006-06-03T23:37:00.000-07:00

You are a Romantic Realist

Okay, so you fall in the middle.
You know that love isn't like a greeting card...
Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings.

You are the best of both worlds
Girly yet independent, dreamy yet serious.
Almost any guy can find balance with you.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic?

Your Love Element Is Fire

In love, you are a true listener and totally present.
For you, love is all about feeling more alive than you've ever felt.

You attract others with your joy and passion.
Your flirting style is defined by your strong ability to communicate.

Fun and play are the cornerstones of your love life.
And while your flame may burn too brightly, it's part of your appeal.

You connect best with: Wood

Avoid: Water

You and another Fire element: will likely burn out quickly

What Element Is Your Love?

You Are 84% Happy

It's unlikely that you know anyone happier than you.
You know how to be happy, no matter what life throws at you.

How Happy Are You?

Your Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen
Peacemaker, first to end a fight
Good at thinking up creative dates
Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily
Going with your gut instead of your head
Emphathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault
Good at recognizing patterns in relationships
Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count
Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love
Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow
Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind
Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart

Are You Right Brained or Left Brained in Love?

2006-05-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

I f***** hate the reproductive system. Both male and female. I don't know what's with that system that I just don't seem to grasp. When I read my book, it's all clear to me. But when the test comes, everything seems new to me. I wouldn't be surprised if I get an eff-ing C on this system. I don't think I'm dumb to be failing this piece of crap. I HATE repro system.

********
DA VINCI CODE

In my opinion, it's a so-so movie. Maybe because I read the book and got so disappointed. I was even texting while watching it. There's nothing special about that movie.

Later this afternoon, Imma be watching X Men III. I hope this one's good. Well, the trailer is. Hehe.

*******
I'm going to Vegas again tomorrow. Imma be there for the memorial weekend. Woohoos to everyone!

2006-05-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

PRINCESS LULU?!

Korean telenovelas never fail to make me teary-eyed. I'm currently watching "Princess Lulu". I've heard of this korean series from my cousins in Manila and they told me that it was a nice story. So, I immediately asked Kuya Leo to order it for me from eBay. He didn't even make me pay for it. 'Twas nice of him. Well anyways, i'm almost halfway through the series. And... ang cute cute talaga ni Kim Chan Ho (the "little brother"). And he's so sweet. I guess, I still have to finish it to be able to say what I really think of it. Right?

BORED KA BA?!

Well if you are?! Don't ever take violin lessons. I remember wanting to have violin lessons because I think that I'm becoming stagnant. I WAS thinking that Nursing wasn't enough to make me grow as a person. Well, you really have to be eager enough to get through those lessons. I'm willing to learn though. But I guess I have to really spend more time practicing so that my hands won't get stiff. And that's what making it hard for me after like.. 15 minutes of playing. It seems easy huh?! It's not. You have to be in a certain position while holding the bow and stuff like that. I don't know about other instructors. But Kuya Allan wants it to be like that. And I have great respect and admiration towards him 'coz he knows his stuff and I want to learn from him.

BASKETBALL

Some people close to me knows that I love watching NBA. And right now, I'm not really happy with the team standings. It makes me depressed. ;c

I miss a lot of people right now. But don't worry. I get by!

2006-05-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

I know it's a bit too late to blog about the stuff that I did last week. Still, I wanted to share it with you guys.

WEDNESDAY
I was assigned at the E.R. At first, I was hesitant. Come to think of it! It's the E.R.!!! Not some ordinary Med/Surg floor. When my C.I. asked me if I was okay to be assigned there, I was having second thoughts. Still, I went. I was actually left with no choice and I thought that maybe I am ready to be there.

The day started pretty slow. Until, I got to know the only filipina nurse during that shift. I guess she was in her 50's or something like that. That's why I admire her. With that age, she's still working in a fast-paced department. Proof that filipinos are real versatile. And she's a UP grad. Gosh!

Anyways, she was delegating to me a lot of stuff. And it was because of her that I was able to do a foley catheter and a Nasogastric tube. And honestly, I would rather do foleys than NGT's. NGT's are gross and just the sight of the patient gagging makes me nervous. Funny thing was, I got to do an IM on the buttcheeks. hehe. It was a tiring day.

FRIDAY
Lola Carning and Lolo Ben's Golden Wedding Anniversary. It was all because of Charlotte that my presence there was possible. I borrowed a gown from her. A black strapless gown which was sooo beautiful and classic. She also did my hair and make-up. She's so nice. The evening was okay.

SATURDAY
We went to Vegas. And we walked an eff-ing 2 mile-ish along The Strip. My feet hurt.. a lot! But it was fun. I was able to buy a Coca-cola tin can coin bank eventhough I haven't filled up my piggy bank for coins. 'Coz I have a separate one for bills.

SUNDAY
We went to the fashion outlet by Primm Valley. Good thing was: I was tired. So?! I wasn't able to go around that much. But I got to buy a new Old Navy messenger bag and flip-flops and a Coach wristlet.

Gah! I hate traffic. We were caught up fo like 5 and so hours.

********
I didn't know I was this tired.

2006-04-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

As you can obviously see, I've not blogged for, like, 2 weeks?! Nothing's been up. But then, I was too darn busy. During clinical days, I sleep at around 8 pm just to be able to make up for my early wake up call, which is by the way, 4 am! And then I have to work my ass off that San Clemente Memorial Medical Center. And I have to work with THEM (<=suck-up people who are eff-ing lazy and tell C.I. that we're lazy?! Dang!) And then beat the traffic at 5-North. Arrive home an hour and a half later (thanks to 5-North *sarcastic*). I hate. I hate. I hate. Got it?!

Then, I have a lot of studying to do for my theory classes. Ms. Bosfield just scares me. Just the thought of her being part of the military before?! shoot. She's strict. But then, I still laugh at her jokes. I'm so shallow! She doesn't give a lot of tests unlike Ms. D. But I have to bring my grade up and that's my goal for this term.

I miss going out with my friends. Even the eat-outs that we've had before, I miss it. I need to de-stress. STAT.

I was informed that my Princess Lulu DVD has arrived and I'm excited to get hold of it. And thanks to Kuya Leo for not letting me pay for it.

My relatives are arriving from the Philippines. Just sharing.

Violin lessons will start today. It wouldn't be a regular thing because my instructor lives far. And I mean, FAR! So? We have to work our schedule out. And we decided to have it today, before having our choir practice.

I'm happy then I got depressed.

Guys, I'm sorry for the incoherent thoughts that I've been having. My mind has become a big whirlpool of... stuff.

2006-04-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

I've finished watching Lovers in Paris.

And yes! I CRIED! I can't believe I'd fall for that cheesy stuff. But I guess I'm really cheesy after all.

I admire Tae-young (Vivian) for her courage to sacrifice and even trying to live without Ki-joo (Carlo). You sacrifice your own happiness to avoid worse things to happen. You know that Ki-joo won't be happy with Tae-young's decision. She didn't do it to make Ki-joo happy. She did it because she didn't want their relationship to affect other people. I don't know if you're still with me. But I was just touched by the story. And I still can't believe that I fell for that crap. Echos! Honestly, I really liked the story. I got so hooked that I finished he entire story in five days. That was the reason I haven't been studying.

Anyways, my mom's back with all my bilin. And I really thank all the people that bought all those stuff for me. And by the way, I liked the mosaic stuff that my friends gave me. Gosh! I like! I like!

Haii.. I'm going back to San Clemente tomorrow. What a life?!! I can't wait to finish this nursing stuff and be out with my friends again. Six months, Alex, six months.

********

I downloaded Park Shin-Yang's song on that koreanovela. It was actually translated to tagalog (on my friendster profile). I also downloaded the instrumental Moonriver and the song romantic love. Proof that I really loved the series. Whenever I hear those songs, I feel something. It's something that I know I shouldn't disclose now. Basta! Everytime I hear it, It seems time slows down for me. And that song, Moonriver?! It's holds a special part in my heart. And I know that people would hear it again someday. Haii.. ang corny na!

Pero.. it really feels good kahit corny!

2006-04-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

Been away from home for three days.
I got scared.
I ate a lot.
Snored loudly.
Ms. Zoerner was nice.
Saddleback Memorial Medical Center was nice.
All the staff are nice.
John is cute!!!
Those blondes (<=codename) are bitches.
I'm gonna get my revenge.
Missed my bed.
Got my Lovers in Paris DVD set.

I was sooo homesick....

But now...

IM BACK!!!

2006-03-29T13:58:00.000-08:00

Updates...

I almost didn't pass my final exams yesterday. I only passed it by 0.7 percent, which I quite deserve. You all know how lazy I am when it comes to reviewing for exams. So?! I know that I deserve that grade. I'm still having a "B". Nothing to be nervous about. I just have to do better during my last six months. Yes, I've only got six months to go before I graduate. Yippee!

I'm sooo happy!

I just passed my driving test this morning. Double yippee! All of my hardwork and my mom's money paid off. I can officially drive! woohoo! But I don't think my parents are gonna buy me a new car. I'm not expecting. Since we just got the house and almost all my stuff are new. Well, my Hummer would have to wait. Kidding! A hand-me-down is ok. As long as it doesn't stop in the middle of the road. I think I'm gonna use my mom's Camry. That would be enough.. for now!

See? I can be happy. I'm mababaw!

********

I miss my relatives and my friends so much. Hi everyone! 'Lang limutan ha?!

2006-03-27T16:39:00.000-08:00

I know. You don't have to tell me. I should be reviewing for my finals tomorrow. The problem is? I can't stay focused. Everytime I try to open my 3-inch binder, I suddenly don't know where to start. That's fudged up!

In case you're wondering why I keep using that "fudge" instead of the you-know-what word. I'm telling you, I've been cussing as if it's a period in every sentence that i construct. I know it's not good BUT I was so used to it. And so I decided to just change it. I'm trying so hard to avoid it.

Okei. Time to go. Say prayers for me.

2006-03-25T16:47:00.000-08:00

Two more days and I'll be officially on vacation... for five days! Thank you very much! We're still having that 2-hour review on Monday for our HESI exams and on Tuesday will be the day of the exam. I just hope that I don't "fudge" this one up. I haven't been having straight A's, which is kind of dissappointing, but I'm contented with my B. And I know that shouldn't be relaxing 'coz that HESI exam is 20% of our Term 2 grade. Would you believe?! Twenty fudge-ing percent!

I'm really looking forward to my very-much-deserved vacation. I have to clean my room, which is so much of a mess right now. Well, honestly, it's not really a vacation vacation. 'Coz I have my driving test, doctor's appointment, and my relatives from Vegas are coming because of my Grandma's 40th.

I'm really nervous about that driving test. I hope I don't fail.

And yeah! My mom left for the Philippines already. I'm so jealous. Despite the not-so-nice things that's been happening there, I still wanna come. But I can't. And maybe there's a reason why I can't come home. Maybe not now 'coz I'm not ready. I gave my mom the list of the things that I want for pasalubong and it's a long list.

By the way, I found someone who could teach me how to play the violin! The same person who played it at my cousin's wedding, my co-choir member, Kuya Allan! It was so nice of him. But before I start having lessons with him. He asked me to buy the instrument first, of course. He told my mom that it's cheaper in the Philippines. So?! I guess I have to wait 'till my mom arrives from her vacation.

I think San Clemente clinicals will be sooo crazy! We're still arranging stuff about that. Details to come!

2006-03-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

I'm really freaking out right now! We have a lot of tests lined up for the last two days of GI system and until now I haven't got anything up inside my very chaotic mind. And I have the guts to spend time here in front of my PC to blog about it. Kapal ko eh! OMGosh! I'm (almost) halfway done and I'm so happy about it. Six months to go and I'll be able to go out,,, guilt-free! You all know what I mean.

My mom's going to the Philippines this weekend. I'm a bit jealous because (I have to admit) that right now I'm still in this state wherein I stop and think (and really can't believe), "I'm really here. 16 hours away from the life that I've gotten used to." My mom's teasing me 'bout the fact that I can't go with her 'coz, once again, I only have 5 days of vacation before Term 3. I sooo want to go home to the Philippines and I'm gonna try to do that later this year. I hope that God permits. I miss everyone so badly.

Yes, I blog about random stuff. And I want that new Macbook Pro. Pero.. naman! It's 2000 bucks and I definitely don't have that money. But then, my iMac G5 is 5 months old and I still haven't maximized its functions or whatever. But then... Haii!

Recently, I've been looking for someone who would conduct private violin lessons for me which would fit in my busy school schedule for next term. I don't know why I suddenly wanted to learn. But when we sang at my cousin's wedding and one of our choir members played the violin, I was in awe. awestruck talaga! But i found out that it will cost me a lot to have that. I guess I just have to tell my mom 'bout it.

***************

On a serious note:

I feel kind of hurt. Wouldn't you?! If all of a sudden, the closest perons you were with during your last year lost their communication with you?! It hurts. And if you think about it, you cannot demand anything from them. It really hurts to know that being away from them would cost you the friendship that you have, together, built.

2006-03-18T07:18:00.000-08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Alexandria!

Ostriches stick their heads in Alexandria not to hide but to look for water.
Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by Alexandria!
Alexandria can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour.
By tradition, a girl standing under Alexandria cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege!
The condom - originally made from Alexandria - was invented in the early 1500s.
Alexandria kept at the window will keep vampires at bay.
Alexandria was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons.
Baby swans are called Alexandria.
Cats use their Alexandria to test whether a space is large enough for them to fit through.
Europe is the only continent that lacks Alexandria!

Wow.. this is so funny and kool! Number 10 is a sign. I know Europe is waiting for me. Hold on!

Anyways, We are on our last system this term, The GI system. And we've only got three days to discuss everything about it. Anatomy, Physiology, Med-Surg, every disorder, signs and symptoms, Medical management, nursing intervention, etc. And Ms. D. lined up a lot of tests for this week. On wednesday, we're having three tests about the GI system. OMGosh! I know I can't go on a day without having to go on the internet to check stuff, But I WILL try!

I can hardly wait for my very short vacation which I am to spend mostly at home. And that's being sarcastic 'coz my mom's going to the Philippines.

2006-03-17T07:31:00.000-08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

quite truE!

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

I love proving the other wrong! That's how I am!

2006-03-13T19:20:00.000-08:00

I just did my first subcutaneous injection on my patient this morning. I was sooo nervous that my hands were shaking. But it was fun! After doing it, I felt weird. 'Coz it feels good. It's like an achievement for me. We weren't allowed to do it on our classmates when we were having our skills lab. We have this jelly-slash-muscle like things where we poke the syringes and needles. I hope I have another Heparin injection tomorrow!

Now, I'm really looking forward to poking people..

2006-03-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

I'm really not in the mood to talk about stuff right now. Maybe tomorrow.. I'm a bit stressed and lala lately.

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.

You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.
Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.

Your flirting style: Coy

Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park

Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant

What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt.
And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting.
Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt.
And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is medium.
You probably have had a couple significant loves.
And you may have even had your heart broken.
But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."
You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

How Do You Live Your Life?

2006-02-12T22:06:00.000-08:00

Honestly, the only thing that I did finish from all the stuff that I had to do was the Care Plan. F*** that. I feel so lazy. Well, I am. haha.. But I already typed the things that has to be in the powerpoint. I just haven't copied and animated it. For the review stuff.. I didn't even touch my books. The homework?! don't even ask.

So?! What did I do this weekend?!

Nag-swimming!

Actually dapat nung Staurday pa ko magsiswimming. Sa sobrang excited ko kasi nga first time ko magswimming sa pool namin, I cleaned it. As in, ako talaga! Si Dakilang tamad, naglinis ng pool! hehe.. But I didn't want to swim that time (12 noon) because it was too hot and the cable guy was repairing our satellite (yup, no TV for more than a week now!). I was shy! The guy left at 2 pm. Then, I remembered that I had to go to the mall to buy stuff. Yah?! stuff. My mom and I went to Hollister. Eh ang gaganda ng shirts. Sa sobrang ganda, natagalan kami. Eh i had to go to this other store and my mom had to buy some grocery. So?! we arrived home at 4:30 already. I jumped out of the car, wore my swim suit, then went out the back yard. Then when I made my first step down the pool stairs, I stopped. Gah! It was freezing cold!!!! Then, my mom told me to just soak my whole body and swim. 'Coz my body would actually adjust to it. So, I stepped down. When the water finally hit my chest, I went lala!! My mom shouted at me. She told me to swim. All I said was, "Ma, I can't move my feet! If I suddenly stopped at the middle of the pool, will you do CPR on me?! Are you certified?!" I realized I can't do it.

I just asked my papa to turn the heater on for me to swim Sunday. And yes, I did! After an hour, I went out of the pool, took a shower, dried my hair, and then... the bed. My body's now.. sore!

I really want to sleep now. But I can't. I don't feel sleepy at all and I have clinicals tomorrow. Major bummer!

2006-02-10T19:38:00.000-08:00

Friday again.. And it's not a relief for me. 'Coz I have all my work lined up for the weekend.

1.) Care plan for my patient during my last clinical. Actually, this was due last week. But due to my *ehem* PROCRASTINATION, I didn't do it. Sunday night last week, I got a message from my classmate that our clinical instructor won't make it to Monday clinicals. So, we have to go to campus and stay there. That was the reason I didn't do my CP's, med list and charting. And my teacher was absent the next day so we had to go to other sites. Unfortunately, I was sent to Garden Park Care Center which was a SNF (Skilled Nursing Facility=bad!). It was sooo different from Kindred Hospital-La Mirada (subacute facility).

2.) Respiratory Deficits Report. We are scheduled for reporting on Wednesday. I actually volunteered to do the Powerpoint. Why?! Because, unfortunately, most of groupmates didn't know how to do it (because of age). And the other one who knows how to do it was stubborn and I don't wanna trust this one to other people. I'm not very trusting when it comes to group stuff.

3.) Cardiovascular (long) homework. I have like 8 chapters of homework and I want to start to avoid cramming. Oh yeah right Alex?! You can try!

4.) Review. Review. Review. There was never a day that we didn't have a test or two. Well, most days we have at least two tests. And this coming week, we'll be having major deficits test (respiratory) and that test X (pronounced "ex" not ten). Scary! What could be in it?! OMGosh! I'm freaking out! Totally freaking out!

I'm so stressed. I don't know what to do and where to start.

So much stuff for Valentine's huh?! Lala..

2006-02-07T17:02:00.000-08:00

I lost a special part of me. BUT I won't whine any longer. I just want to have peace now. He's decided and there's nothing I can do about that. I'm gonna shut my mouth now because I don't want this stupid mouth to cause any more harm to anyone. I've hurt HIM a lot and that's just not a good thing.

And if I didn't greet HIM on his special day, it is because I want to give him what he wanted. He wanted SPACE and TIME and I'll give him that. I want to respect his wishes. He can have all the time and space that he wants. I'm okay with it. I'm actually doing better now regarding "coping". The only thing that I want right now is for him NOT to keep what he told me. 'Coz up to now, I still find it as b**ls**t-ing! I still find it contradicting. And he knows what I mean. I mean, I hope he knows.

After what happened to us, I found myself "down there". But I realized.. life has to go on. This hurting has got to stop somewhere. And from there, I've got to pick up. I also realized that it's not good to be left behind. I can't just be like this for long. I have to keep up on all the things that I missed out. I mean, I tried saving it. But there's nothing I can do now, can I?! We've got our own issues and he thinks that it would be better to solve it by ourselves. Well, that's how I understand it. That's not how I thought the last time we talked. 'Coz I've always believed in US. It may not sound like it. BUT that's what I've really believed. I tried fighting for what I feel and he didn't. So?! What's the point of going on?! What's the point of waiting or letting the other wait for you?! NONE.

NONE.

Let's just be happy that we've gotten that far though I'm not happy that it ended this early. AND LIKE THIS?!

WHY AM I BOTHERED BY THIS WHEN HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE?!

I hope he reads this. For him to know what I really felt..

Sayang.

REALLY.

2006-01-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

I know. I know. My last post was a bit harsh, too harsh! But hey?! You couldn't blame me. I was sooo hurt that it made me real down and depressed the past weekend. I was such an anti-social that I couldn't even go to a baptism. (Well, actually I have a very long homework on Musculoskeletal) And may I say that I even resorted to asking my mom to go the mall. Yes, I did! I told her I just wanna buy a backpack. Jansport, to be exact. I even brought my own money. But I think she sensed that there was something wrong with me. She talked me out of it and I was left crying in the car. I ended up buying a black polkadot JanSport, a military-looking bolero, pink polo blouse, a brown tank top (with my mom's card!).

I won't deny that I was crying. I was even wearing sunglasses that Saturday night. Dang!

You just couldn't throw something "that" special away. It would take time, maybe. All I know is that I found a way to make it easier for me and for me to stop crying. Crying puts a lot of stress on my lacrimal glands and gives me runny nose. Eeewwww!

I just hope that people would understand that I'm not merely getting mad for no reason here. There is a thin line between wanting to make girl-friends and wanting to make girlfriends. And you wouldn't understand me 'coz you haven't tried being in my situation. Living 12-hours-worth-of-flight away and a 16-hour-time-difference, wouldn't make our problem real easy to solve. huh?! People don't seem to get my point 'coz they haven't even asked me. And what hurts is that, those people are really close to me. I know, you're not exactly blaming me for being so "mababaw" or whatnot. But it would help if people wouldn't show a bit of bias, especially to him. I don't know! I'm just a bit of confused in here, with no one to lean on?! Deym.

All I want now is some peace of mind and some antibiotic for my <3... and maybe a new Chuck Taylor!

Effect of having been heartbroken recently: downloading a lot of cheesy, old tagalog songs and listening to The Beatles!
Haym lurvin eeeet!!!

2006-01-28T11:04:00.000-08:00

THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!

Kahit pala gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao, you'll just come to a point na, "Hey! This is too much. I won't put up with this any longer!" And there are people who are so insensitive of the other's needs. IKAW YUN!!! You betrayed me. You made me hope that you were contented, lala! But you weren't! I've tried giving you everything! My time, my precious time... I call you eventhough it costs a lot.. and my fidelity. But the one thing I avoided doing, you did to me. How can you be so insensitive?!

Tell your f*** friends that they won your deal or bet or whatnot. Pakasaya sila! And thank them for me,,, in a sarcastic way!

And at least now you can meet everyone you find "oki na oki". You can escort anyone you want. You can hit as many cigarettes. You can sip all the booze. You can blind your eyes with all the PC-playing you want. Without restrictions!

You can tell me that you didn't have a LIFE when you were with me. 'Coz guess what?! I didn't, too. I was only your instant problem listener. And when it's my turn, I get blocked out. Isn't that great?! BS....

And maybe that's why you have a miserable life, because you make other's life miserable as well. "What goes around, comes around" In simple words,,,, KARMA! Well, I'm not cursing you or anything. But maybe you deserve to suffer as much as I did. You're such a big, fat, insensitive, harmful, miserable, hopeless liar!

Do whatever you want now. You can die of liver cirrhosis, lung cancer, whatever! To hell I care with you.

You betrayed everyone who trusted you, including my family.

I just hope that there's still someone out there who's gonna put up with all your shit. 'Coz I'm done and over with that and I'm signing off.

2006-01-23T20:22:00.000-08:00

I didn't get to watch the Pacquiao-Morales fight. Bummer! But still, I'm proud that he won. PROUD TO BE FILIPINO!!!

The reason why I didn't get to watch the fight was because it was Charlotte's birthday and I promised that I would come to wherever they're going. We ate at Islands at Brea after meeting up at Razel's place. Then we went back to Razel's for Charlotte's surprise... A Hummer Limo!!! She freaked out! Totally! The limo was equipped with everything.. that should be on a limo! Then we went to Century Club and we didn't have to pay a thing. We were on the guestlist for some reason. I think Razel was the one who arranged it. We danced.. a lot!! Here are some pics...

after one glass of "screwdriver" or whatever it is called...

me and the birthday girl at Razel's house

all the girls beside the limo

tony and me

dancing (charlotte, tony and me)

at the "make-out" chairs at Century Club, L.A.

And I already bought my USB Flash Drive! SanDisk Cruzer Micro 1.0 GB with skins...

okei.. ipon ulit!!

2006-01-18T20:30:00.000-08:00

I like-love DIEGO LUNA!!!

I was watching Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights a while ago and even if I didn't get to start the movie, I still liked it. I mean.. wow! Diego Luna?! I've watched him from The Terminal, but he was a janitor there. Not a sexy dancer! haha! I'm gonna look out for that movie.. Gaaah! Another infatuation?! geeeezz...

Well, I had two tests today. Burn test and NCLEX-Integumentary test! Burn Test wasn't that hard at all and NCLEX was... ok. I can't believe Ms. D! She's really talkative.. REALLY! For five hours, all we discussed was about burns. It was more of a review since we had that topic last week. I was even listening to my iPod while she was lecturing, writing a letter to someone, doodle-ing? on my notepad. And I have another test tomorrow, Shock quiz! Ms. D. told us that we are to leave early tomorrow 'coz she's presiding a staff meeting. Great!

2006-01-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

This day started as a lazy day! Sleep all morning... dadada!!! Para akong nagha-hibernate,,, ;)

I tried... TRIED.. doing my clinical stuff, but I couldn't! I just can't push myself to think of someone else's diseases or whatnot. I can't concentrate. I just kept thinking of the things that I need to buy, I want to buy! (boots, Girl-f***-me boots! haha.. USB Flash Drive, Clipboard with calculator, study table, boots, new printer, boots...) hehe.. so funny!

Then, my mom called to remind me that we are gonna go to the mall to buy my clipboard. Clipboard! Yah right?! We ended up buying new undies, new black gaucho pants, my special clipboard and my BOOTS!!! haha.. Pagdating sa shopping, I like my mom! Moms knows best!

I can't wait for Saturday.. Charlotte's party! I'm not gonna go into details. 'Coz she might be reading this, by some accident.

*skip this.. if you're not THAT person*

I can't see how you've change. You're still the same you and I'm not happy about it. You're giving me the same reasons to be insecure. Lam mo naman diba?! Anu pa bang gagawin natin?! Tell me!

2006-01-15T20:23:00.000-08:00

Brrr.. It's sooo cold!!! I think I'm having chillblains already... (1st stage or degree of a cold burn according Ms. D!)

Buti na lang holiday bukas.. Martin Luther King's Day tomorrow! No classes! No clinicals! Saya..

All I did today was go to church in the morning then I finished my suuuper long homework the whole day. As in suuuper long! 9 freaking chapters! All the review questions at the end of each chapter! And this was all about the integumentery system, the skin! I left something fir later, though. Di ko pa ginagawa yung care plan ko for my patient last week. Haii.. procrastination at its best! Just leave it to me...

I need a lot of things.. But I don't know how to get them all. Deym.. kailangan ko na ulit mag-ipon!

2006-01-12T19:20:00.000-08:00

OMG!!! It's not even Friday but I'm sooo burnt out for the week. I don't know how long I'm gonna last. But I'm already starting to get sick. And to think that it is winter here.. sick season!

I started this week with clinicals.

Monday was fun! I was with the Physical Therapist the whole day. I learned a lot from Bill, the therapist. And I like him a lot. He gives a lot of encouragement to the patients and he didn't hesitate to take in students that day. He let me do PT stuff alone, which was good. He taught us basic things about ROM, joint replacements, ORIF and the likes. I can see and feel that patients do trust him a lot. And I can ever forget his sense of humor. hehe.. "Never fear for big Bill is here" He says that to his patients.

Tuesday?! Well.. Quite the experience.. But sooo not fun! I had two patients that day and one had MRSA and is on contact precaution. That patients took most of my time because whenever I enter the room, I put on "spacesuits". That's what we call it 'coz we looked like astronauts working in space with the gown, mask and gloves. I was sooo scared. I never would want to contract MRSA from a patient. No way!

Uhmm.. Wednesday and Thursday is pretty much theory stuff. Way too much theory stuff. We'd have quizzes on different things about the integumentary system. I know I've had Anatomy and Physiology before, well half of it, but this one's really complicated. What the heck is a verruca?! Well, I found out that it's a wart. And there were many other things that I learned for the first time. Ms. D's cool but her requirements are hard and too many. I'm so stressed because I don't know when to start doing things or where to start. And she's sooo talkative. I would want to sleep but I can't 'coz the seniors were telling us that she puts personal stuff on her quizzes. And to think that it's cold in our room.

I don't know if I have to be excited 'coz it's Friday tomorrow. Yey weekend!! But I have a burn quiz and an Integumentary test. And I haven't reviewed.

2006-01-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

There's a reason why I really don't want to give people second chances. I'm really scared of getting hurt with just the same person over and over again. Basta.. I'm really scared. And now, I have allowed one person to do that to me. And this time, it hurts big time! I regret ever giving that person a lot of chances to change. I've seen this coming but still I didn't do a thing to avoid it. Deym! I've let my guard down.. again!

Whatever my friend did, she did it because I have the right to know. That's how friends are.. diba?! Yaw ko sa lahat yung nagmumukhang tanga and ayaw din ng friend ko yun. "And you know that!" Still, you did it. And there's no changing it. I was sooo ready. But then, "this" happened. At least, it opened my eyes to the truth. Diba.

As I've always said.. The truth hurts but it will set you free.

I know a lot of people have been asking me if I was sure of my decision. Sa totoo lang, I'm not. Pero what the heck?! I'm sooo mad. Kahit sabihin nila na mawawala din ang galit ko. I don't care. Itong galit na 'to ang tumulong saking bumangon nun, bakit hindi ngayon?! Siguro nga they're not the same person, they're both guys! FYI!!

I may sound "shallow" and yes, I am! I'm not gonna deny it. That's why I don't want to trust.

Okei?! I'm confused now. And you are, too.

2006-01-03T20:02:00.000-08:00

"What do I really want?!"

I was faced with this question because I was feeling so alone this morning. I had so many options before. But now, it's as if I was left with nothing. There are times that I know I'm sure with what I want. There are times that I just break down cry because I'm not so sure about it. Minsan nasa harap ko na, abot kamay ko na. Pero ayaw ko pa ring hawakan. I''m so scared to make my moves 'coz I'm just... scared. I never voice out what I want and that's the sad thing about me. I admit that I'm such a complainer.. BUT only for small things, like material things. For big decisions, I don't talk that much even if it contradicts what I really feel. Minsan dumarating na sa point na masakit. I let people hurt me if it's for their happiness. Well, there are some people who can attest to that. Those people who once, directly or indirectly, broke my heart. I'm not saying, errr, typing this to rub it in people's faces. But if this is the only way to make me feel better, let me do this. I don't wanna go crying tonight since I'm not sleeping alone in my room. I have a heavy heart now.

I know I deserve this, though. Somehow it was my fault for not standing up for what I want, for not really fighting for what I feel. At times, I can say that it's PRIDE that got in the way. Some people admire that in me. A while ago I got a compliment from a classmate who asked me if I was okay. That's like my "thing". Kahit masakit, no complaints. Lagi ko na lang sinasabi... "It'll pass" "It's just for now" "Give me 2 weeks" While in reality... men, masakit! Kaya lang, what choices do I have?! You can't just tell people to do this and that when they really don't want to. Right?!

I always say that I'm okay as long as the other person is happy with his/her decision 'coz I really am. But, after sometime thinking, I realized that I wanted to be happy for myself. I NEEDED to be happy for myself. You know, happiness, BLISS!!! The type of happiness that you do, not for others. I'm not complaining here, kei?! I'm not tired, yet, and, hopefully, will never be. You can never ask the world to stop for you. It's like being in line for the drinking fountain. And you're really gonna die of thirst. So, you're like.. taking you're time. Then this lady behind stomps her feet, looks at you and says, "chop-chop.. you have like a block of people behind you, miss!" You can't tell them, "Uhmm, sorry. I'm just really thirsty!" 'Coz for sure they're feeling the same way.

I love making people happy. That's the reality in it. But at the end of the day, I ask myself, "What have you done for yourself lately?!" I'm happy being around happy people. But, this time, I want happiness to radiate from me, the same time happiness radiates from them. I want to start standing up for what I want, for what I need. I wanna start taking PRIDE out of the picture. I know it would be hard because I know pride is what made me into the "ALEX" that I am now. But there's really no harm in trying.

I'm just gonna love what I'm doing now. Live with it. Love it. Then after this, I'll be doing what I would really want to do. 'Coz I don't want to disappoint people. That's another thing 'bout me.

I know there'll come a time when I can say... To heck with the world, I'm gonna be happy!

2006-01-02T15:11:00.000-08:00

I finished typing an entry yesterday when our internet connection went berserk. It just sucks when that happens. Well, it's supposed to be my greeting of a new year and my wishes for everyone. I'm keeping the wishes but...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

heehee.. I hope and pray that this year would be another year full of endless possibilities and limitless blessings not only for me, but for everyone around me.

Year 2005 taught me a lot of lessons. Lessons that made me into this person that I am now. I took a 360 degree turn. I went to America to face lots of oppurtunities and responsibilities. I left all those who took good care of me for 17 years, which by the way, still brings me to a puddle of tears whenever I am struck wih memories. America showed me lots of good things. I got everything that I wanted, ALMOST! But I wouldn't mind going back to the Philippines to see my loved ones. I know I didn't even say proper goodbyes to a lot of people and I'm really sorry for that. But then, knowing what happened, I was left with no choice. I left my mother country with high hopes and a heavy heart. Sobrang mixed emotions!

I may not be a filipino in papers BUT still I am a filipino by heart!

This was the year when I began being at peace with those who have hurt me the past year. I may not be really good friends with him knowing that we're too far away from each other but knowing that my heart is already mending.. What's the use of keeping all the grudge inside?! Right?! It still hurts but that person made me stronger. There's no need for your "sorry's".

This was the year when I was faced with a monster of an experience. I am not going into details. But I was just glad that there's someone who caught me halfway before I even reach the ground.

This was the year that I had sooo much fun with my friends. I know we've been sooo busy with our studies but we managed to go.. swimming!! I sooo love my friends. I wish I could've shown that to them even more.

I want people to know me better. I've noticed lately that those people whom I thought knew me... In reality, they just don't. What hurts is that, you spent time with them trying to open yourself up but it doesn't contribute a thing. I know I'm a complicated person and it's not possible to know the person as a whole. BUT at least diba?! the basic things, the things I say. It's as if people don't pay attention.

Haii.. what's with the sad post?!

2005-12-30T21:00:00.000-08:00

THE YEAR END SURVEY *edited

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
took swimming lessons, went to the US, learned how to drive, etc. I took a 360 degree turn this year.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remember making my new year's resolution last year because I thought that it would take away the spontaneity of my actions.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Well, I don't want people to say that I'm "feeling close". But I kinda "feel close" to these persons: Ate Tirin, Ate Jho and Ate Michelle. We're in the same choir.

Did anyone close to you die?
None.

What countries did you visit?
Well, I'm already out of the Philippines for good. If you know what I mean.

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
The "will and strength" to do what people expect me to do.

What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Uhmm.. I'm just gonna say those happy memories.. March 04.. because I know for sure that I made someone happy being a part of his life. May 24.. because that was the day my Nssc friends, together with Martin and Benj, went to Club Manila East. I really had fun. August 08.. because it was my despidida party.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
It wasn't really an achievement, like an award. But I'm just really happy that I became the lead female actress in a small play by my summer class for Phil. Lit. That's an achievement because I'm not into acting ever since.

Making someone special to me change his/her habits... somehow!

Being able to do what would hurt me the most like being away from the persons I grew up with and all the people who helped become the person that I am now.

What was your biggest failure?
Not getting the required grade in STS to be able to maintain my place in the Dean's List.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
The occasional fever, colds and cough.

What was the best thing you bought?
Uhmm.. I don't really know. 'Coz if I really want something, I'd ask someone to buy it for me.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Him. I hope he did change though.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The president. And him, too.

Where did most of your money go?
My "luho"

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The places that I haven't been to.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2005?
Especially for you by MYMP

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? -- Happier?
ii. thinner or fatter? -- Fatter.
iii. richer or poorer? -- Richer.

What do you wish you'd done more?
Study and I should've spent more time with my loved ones.
I should've taken more time with myself, too.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being the procrastinator that I am.

How many one-night stands?
Wala.

What was your favorite TV program?
Teleseryes. House. Prisonbreak.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I can say I'm really a hateful person. BUT only to those who've done something bad to me. Hindi ko na maiiwasan yan.

What was the best book you read?
Eleven Minutes by Paolo Coelho. Valkyries.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Uhmmm.. None!

What did you want and get?
An iMac. My own room. My own pool. An iPod mini. Razr. Digicam. My own credit and check card. A lot of material things. my black bed. iPod mini speaker. solitaire earrings. Gundam Wing DVD collection.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Madagascar. Babaw ko noh?!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a party at our house. My guests were my long lost relatives and my parents' friends since I've just arrive here. I turned 18.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I don't really know.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
It's a rollercoaster.

What kept you sane?
Being in touch with my loved ones in the Phils. and lately?! Gundam Wing.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Wentworth Miller. Ciet! Guapo!

What political issue stirred you the most?
GloriaGate.

Who did you miss?
Everyone in the Phils.

Who was the best new person you met?
My ACC friends.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
1) Pain is something that every person needs to feel once in a while.
2) Obey your parents.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
That I made him/her happy.

Gaah! I never knew my friends really love me. Haii.. Kaya mahal na mahal ko din sila!

The most touching experience you've had this year?
Uhmm.. during my despidida party. I was overwhelmed talaga.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
My resiliency.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
My immaturity.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.

Was 2005 a good year for you?
It was good 'coz I learned a lot.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Being with my friends. Having a great time. Videoke sessions. Despidida Party.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
My "scary" experience. And whenever he's away. (Zambales, Baguio, student council)

Where were you when 2005 began?
Dionisio residence in Sampaloc. Hehe.

Who were you with?
My relatives. Gah! I miss them!

Where will you be when 2005 ends?
Manalc residence here in Buena Park.

Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
Family.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?
I'm not sure bout that.

What was your favorite month of 2005?
March, May, August

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
None in particular. But there are those who stopped communicating with me.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yah.. sobra! Sobra.. that it hurts!

What was your favorite record from 2005?
UHmm...

How many concerts did you see in 2005?
Uhmm.. One?!

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005?
No..

do a lot of drugs in 2005?
No...

you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
i dont even remember..

How much money did you spend in 2005?
A lot. As in.

What was your proudest moment of 2005?
Uhmm..

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
Let other people remind me of that 'coz I don't even remember.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
The beginning of 2005. I just want to spend more time with all the people I love.

What are your plans for 2006?
Get through my VN course. Pass the board exams. get my driver's license.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I evolved BUT still the very person that all of you knew. I just expanded.. not literally. Or maybe!

What are your wishes for the new year?
I wish to pass my VN course and to get through the difficult tasks of being a nurse. I really hope to become a successful nurse. I also wish that God may grant me and all the people I love good health, Problems that all of us can bear and make us stronger persons, security and peace. I really wish to be happy. Whatever being happy means to me.

2005-12-29T19:15:00.000-08:00

I'm quite okay now. Gundam Wing kept me sane.. Promise! I like. I like!!!! Natapos ko na tuloy yung buong series, all 49 episodes. S***! Now, I'm sooo infatuated. Buti na lang I still have to pay my bills kungdi bumili na ko ng Gundam model. But I really wanna have that Gundam.. lalo na yung Gundam Sandrock! Nevermind if I don't have a place in my room to put it. Ipagsisiksikan ko.

Yesterday was my last day for term 1. Term 2 will start on Jan. 3. At least I have five days off from school. Masaya na ko nyan since I've been sick for quite a while even christmas day. I can't afford to miss theory hours. I didn't think VN school is very hard. I thought it's gonna be easy for me. Hell no!! I've strived sooo much just for this term. Especially during clinicals! Gaaah! Buti na lang my next clinical site is a subacute facility. No more CNA work.. hopefully!!!

Anyways.. my mom took me shopping this morning. At first, I didn't wanna go coz I was too sleepy.. and I've got that monthly thing going on. I didn't know it was really something. While we were on the elevator, I told my mom that I never went inside bebe because I don't want to be disappointed when I wanted something that I won't be able to buy. Then she told me to just take a look.. I was hesitant because I didn't want to spend my money since I've got my cellphone bill coming this week. My mom ended up buying me a 3/4 striped pink and white tee, a black jacket and a pair of beige tracksuit. I was all smiles! She bought me a lot of things, too. To be continued pa bukas.. I really mabili nya yung sinasabi nya! THat secret thing will be something that I really need. Gah!

This shopping spree made me really happy. I almost forgot that I was depressed the other day!

Haii.. I miss my friends sooo much! Dati sila ang kasama ko pag malungkot ako eh.. pag depres-depresan ako! Paramdam naman tayo dyan?!

*Sometimes we do need to feel pain to realize that we're already hurting the ones we love. "Let me feel this. I deserve this." But next time... don't make stupid decisions.

2005-12-27T18:16:00.000-08:00

I've never felt sooo down. This was worse than my "scary" experience.

That person wasn't contented with just hurting me. He/she even blamed me!!! Wished me to change?! Was that even right?! Talk about adding injury to the insult. Kapal ng mukha!!!

I'm just sooo hurt.

What a nice way to end the year.

I'm currently not in the right mind to do things. I know I'll get better.

But for now?! Let me feel the pain.

2005-12-18T16:42:00.000-08:00

Razel's birthday last Friday was a stress-reliever! After a day of bedside care at Knott Avebue Care Center. Muntik na hindi matuloy kasi Razel had to go to Pasadena to take her son there. We even had to change restaurants coz the filipino restaurant that we were supposed to go was about to close. We then transferred to BJ's Restaurant and Brewhouse. I had sooo much fun. Sobrang laugh trip! The guys got this taster set of BJ's beer without knowing that the glass got larger since the last time they went there. Hahaha... They all got drunk! They started to say weird things! I don't have much pics.. I didn'y bring my camera... This pics are from my phone!

the birthday girl and her drunk husband (hehe!)

Mark, Charlotte and me!

the author and her friend, Charlotte!!!

Anyway, in a matter of minutes, Charlotte and Jen, both my classmates are coming over to my house to study together. We have 4 tests coming up, which all of us can't afford to lose! Good luck naman diba?! Apat na exam... at hindi naman kadalian! Pharmacology lang naman!

We have our Filipino Channels now!!! TFC, GMA, ANC, CinemaOne, DWRR, DWMM!!! All my distractons are adding up!

2005-12-13T17:44:00.000-08:00

I got mental block while having the Nutrition Cumulative Test. Like.. How great is that?! Argh. I'm sooo frustrated right now that I didn't want to talk about the questions within the test with my friends. Afterwards the instructor told us that 19 students failed the exam. What are the chances of me passing the exam?!... very slim!!! I sooo hate this day!

I'll be having another exam tomorrow. It's about Introduction to Pharmacology: Dosage Calculations. I don't worry that much because I never had problems with Math. I just had to study some of the conversion and thenhope that I do good tomorrow. Coz I can't afford to have another problem exam that would make me think I'm gonna fail the term.

Anyways.. I was summoned by the Director of Nursing. I was sooo nervous because I was thinking I would get written up for something I did. Before I went out of the classroom, everybody was telling me to fix my hair because it was in a ponytail. We are required to put it up in a bun. When I got to ms. Khan's office, she asked me if i knew the reason I was called. At first, I answered "no". Then I suddenly remembered that it was about my absence for Dec. 2 clinicals. She then started talking about putting me on probation for the whole duration of the program. I was sooo shocked that I was ready to reason out. Then she told me I had two clinical absences. That's when I told her that I wasn't absent Dec. 1. When she looked at her files, she realized that i was right. So she sent me back to my class. I was sooo relieved and at the same time a bit mad because she didn't even take a second look at her files before pulling me out my class. When I came back to class, everyone was staring at me with the was-she-dropped/suspended/written up-look look in their faces. hehe..

Now, our house look christmas-y! I decorated our FRESH christmas tree when I arrived from school. And the outside of our house was filled with christmas lights. We even have this filipino parol beside my window. At least, I can now feel that christmas is fast approaching. Now, I feel a bit nostalgic because I miss everyone in the Philippines that it makes my eyes watery everytime I think of it.

=c

2005-12-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

Yey.. We've got DSl now!!! Hehe.. Lalo na akong magbababad sa internet..

Anyways.. I'm too busy right now. I have lots of stuff going on. Today, I have to attend my mom's christmas party because I was once part of that dental office. And right after that, I have to attend choir practice. Tomorrow, I'm having my last driving lessons. Still, I have to study because Nutrition Cumulative Test is on Tuesday. And I don't wanna fail that one. I still have other things on the side.

MISS YOU GUYS!!!!

Subra ba?!?!?!

2005-12-07T08:03:00.000-08:00

It's sooo hard to have no internet at home. That's the reason why I can't update my blog as much as I'd want to...

I'm sooo tired and sooo sick right now.. as in really sick!!

2005-11-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

I just had to let this out... NOW!!!

F***!!!! I hope I don't fail that Surgical Pt. Test!! Please..
Upon seeing the test.. I felt drowsy already. Imagine going from 1 through 55!!

I'm not OK!!

:c

2005-11-22T17:49:00.000-08:00

Missed me?!

Hope sooo.... :*

When I was studying in the Philippines hell week comes at least twice a sem in my school because we have 4 major exams. This time... Every week is Hell week!!! Yes, we don't have that major exam thingy going on. But we always have tests and quizzes. And believe me, it does get harder each time. I've never studied this much. I even have to drink coffee just to be up all night, which, by the way doesn't end up like that because I'm such a procrastina.. I tend to delay things! And with my favorite TV sows getting in the way.. gaaah! How am I to really focus?! We had this Fluid and Electrolyte test a while ago. Many people find it hard. But for me, not really! It's just regretful that I focused on the electrolytes and forgot to read the things we dicussed prior to that, I ended up guessing! I was just thankful that on the previous test that we had, I got all 50! Whew!

Anyways, Clinicals started last week. And I don't know what to say.

I hate backstabbers.. Sabi nga ni John Ace: " yung mga tumitira patalikod"!! They're like... disrespecting you because you're not present, you're not there. It just hurts! They would tease this person to this person just because you're not there and you wouldn't know a damn thing bout it. Oh well.. Ano nga naman magagawa ko?! They're not being fair.

At least I'm having a 4-day vaca because of Thanksgiving.

Pig.. I miss you sooo much!!!

2005-11-06T20:18:00.000-08:00

Haii.. It just hurts that someone sooo important to me can do some things for other people.. but for me?! haii.. Don't ask about it! I'm just a bit disappointed. And when I asked that person why the sudden change of password, he/she became defensive! Telling me that I was the one who said that he/she has to have a password that no one knows.. It sucks!!! Big time!!

*Haii.. Where are you Wonderwall?!*

Let's go to something that made me real happy today!

I can't wait to be with my new love..

When I first saw it.. I just knew it had to be mine! I heard it calling my name! If I had to throw tantrums to my parents, I will! Actually, I had a choice.. If I wanted this and my own room or a car!.. But then I had to be practical! Yeah right...

Meet my new love...

Extra lang ako dyan!

It's mine now.. hehe.. And I can't wait..

*I'll be with you really soon...*

I really miss swimming!!!

2005-11-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

Eowie!!!

To all those who have been in touch with me..
Tween, Camille, JC, Krish, Krizia, Colleen!!

Guys.. I miss you sooo sooo much!!

To all those who constantly visit my blog..
Thank you!! I hope you will continue to visit..
It makes me happy!

Ganyan ako kababaw right now!

I'm sooo homesick.. Will this ever go away?!

I don't think sooo..

2005-10-30T14:22:00.000-08:00

RANDOM THINGS

*Last Friday, when me and Papa was on the way to church, I spilled coffee on my clothes. Good thing I don't drink hot coffee. I was drinking Starbucks bottled Mocha Frap. But deng! I smelled sooo much. Buti na lang coffee is aromatic. Well, for me, that is!

*Last Friday din, some of the choir members ate at Jollibee. Wow... sobrang na-miss ko yun. Dati, almost everyday ako kumakain dun kasi lapit lang sa school. I was looking for Jollibee's statue. Unfortunately, there's none. Their spaghetti didn't taste the same though. But Colleen was eating it with her hands and she looked so funny with all the sauce on her face.

Colleen posing for me..

with me.. *Look at that face*

dancing the Otso-otso

*We attended a baby shower yesterday. We were supposed to be in male costumes. But I didn't. I wanted to go as Invisible Woman but there wasn't any for my size. I just when as a preppy cheerleader. I didn't have pictures though. Take note: I was wearing a peplum and a hanging sleeveless shirt. Imagine!!

2005-10-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

I did some reflecting today. Well, just now while I'm looking around. It's something that a lot of people say, I do say it sometimes, but I wasn't really ready to accept. I don't know if I've totally accepted it now. When you love someone, you should allow them to grow and be free. Ok, I know what you're thinking of right now but that's not about it. It's not something that happened to me just now. It's about everything that happened to me BEFORE. You just can't keep them in a box and stop them from interacting with other people and learn and grow because you're too afraid that one day they might "overgrow" and forget about you. You can't just ask them to stay in whatever state or phase they may be because that's how you want them to be. It really hurts. But then it can't always be you! They are entitled to their own lives too, you know. They can live it however they want. You can direct them, but you can never drag them. Right?!

I hope I can put that in mind and actually do it. 'Coz I would never want that to happen to me as well!

2005-10-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

Gaah! It took me sooo long before typing another entry. I was sooo busy with school and stuff since it started. I've been trying to advance my notes so that I could find time for myself on weekends. And add this: my teacher is sooo... i don't know! She tends to jump on topics. Yeah I know that she's smart and very much experienced. She was a clinical instructor before and it's her first time to teach in a classroom. So, that makes us... guinea pigs! She doesn't go thoroughly through important aspects of the lesson. That makes retaining information harder because she bases it on her experiences and not from the book. To think that we're only beginners. Right?!

Anyways.. I have friends now. Isn't that great?! Eventhough we're not really of the same age, I could say that we "click"! Last Saturday, we went to Knott's Scary Farm. I wasn't supposed to come coz I was planning to study that night and there are other things on the side. But it sounded sooo good. I might miss out on all the fun the girls can have. I had so much fun. The monsters chased Charlotte and Razel coz they were sooo scared. I kept on laughing. Talaga! Charlotte almost ripped my jacket. She's such a screamer! Ate Martha even had a bruise on her knee because Charlotte was dragging her. tsk tsk. Ate Martha brought her boyfriend, Dwayne, and his two cousins, Mark and Marvin. Razel was with her husband, Alfred, and friends, Sheryl and Allen. Too bad I didn't bring my camera. I just got pics from them. Here...

sheryl, razel, charlotte, me and ate martha

me with my ACC classmates...

at razel's driveway...

tired already.. it's already 2 am...

Charlotte and me.. *somebody thought we're sisters*

That's all for now.. muah guys!!

2005-09-29T19:13:00.000-07:00

I had my orientation a while ago. Gaaah!! We're like 50+ in the class and (maybe) I'm the youngest! The staff members were threatening us that life in the program is like... argh!! They said it's gonna be real difficult especially for those who have children. I don't have children but I don't think it's gonna be easy for me. I don't have a consistent transportation, for now, because I still haven't got a driver's license. Good thing was, I have a filipina classmate. She's 24 but looks like she's 14. I ate lunch at her house. Kapal ko eh?! tsk tsk. I still have another orientation tomorrow. I hope that goes well, too.

Taekwondo minus the warm-up and stretching is hell!!!!! I was soooo late that I did not make it to the warm-ups. And my period didn't make it any easier. But I had fun though. We ahd sparring and I had 4 different partners. The brown belter was really good... I was scared! Too bad, today's my last day. My parents told me to wait for a week before enrolling again.

I'm gonna miss Taekwondo. I hope to be back soon on the Dojang!!

2005-09-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

HOTELS, CASINOS, BUFFETS

I'm talking bout Vegas, Las Vegas. My parents took me there this past weekend. We stayed at my grandpa's condo, which they don't live in. We went hotel hopping. Yeah. Hotel Hopping. Thier hotels are like... whoa! It's as if there's an amusement park inside. Every hotel has their own attraction. The Venetian.. They have this canal inside the hotel where you can ride their gondolas with the boatman, or whatever you call them, singing. The Mirage has a volcano erupting every thirty minutes at night. Caesar's Palace has a show about Atlantis. New York New York has their own roller coaster outside, going round the hotel. And it's really high. I was about to try it, but then. I got scared! haha..

And there's this funny thing that happened to me. While watching the show at the Caesar's palace, which was the second hotel we went to, my papa gave me a mango shake. When I tasted it I was like, "Mango ba to?!" Still, I continued drinking it. Then when we went to Bellagio to eat lunch, I drank almost 3/4 of it, I was sure that there's something in that drink. While eating, I told my relatives that my nape is hot and a bit itchy. Then it came to me... The mango shake has alcohol in it. Not rubbing alcohol, silly. And sadly.. I am allergic. Haha. If I only knew that it had alcohol in it... I would've drank it still. Kidding. Someone even joked that the only cure to treat allergies with alcohol.. is to drink more. Yeah right?!

YAAAAH... OUCH!

Well.. yesterday was my first day in my tae kwon do classes. Even when I was in the Philippines, I wanted to take lessons but I couldn't find time for it. I attended the Child/Adult Lessons because I was thinking that the Adults Only schedule would comprise of really good martial artists. I was the oldest but third in height. Yah yah.. I'm short!! I think I did good yesterday. Even the other students told me so. Yakk.. yabang!

And boy, am I glad that they were sooo friendly?!

And now, my back aches like hell.. And I still have classes today. Darn! Anyways, I enjoyed it!

*the time in my blog is Philippine time*

2005-09-13T18:19:00.000-07:00

Whew! I had fun yesterday.. I went to Disneyland with cousins Rigo, Bimboy, Bombit and their friend Jently! Treat ni Kuya Bombit lahat.. except souvenirs.. Pero it's okay coz Papa had pity on me when I asked for money. Bad! The good part.. Well, there aren't a lot of people there since it was a weekday. So, we got to tour the place and try the most thrilling rides. Unfortunately, there were no fireworks at night. It's only during Fridays and Saturdays. Well, at least there's still the parade. Grabe ang gwapo nung Prince ni Cinderella and Snow White. Know what?! Parang there was this funny feeling in me. Kasi before it was only a dream diba?! Like.. when children tell their parents that they wanna go to Disneyland. Remember the commercial.. "Sasakay ako ng airplane.. Pupunta ako ng Disneyland" or was it like that?!

Then when we were in front of the Princess' Castle, there was this guy who proposed to her girlfriend. The girl was really crying. Then. when I looked at the ring... Gaaah!!! Grabe!! Parang kay Paris!! Cute diba?! I mean.. the guy was sweet..

I bought this little Dory stuff toy.. You know that forgetful fish in Finding Nemo.. I loooove that movie! I think I cried in that movie. I am shallow. I admit it. Don't laugh at me. And then, a Stitch keychain and photo holder. Although I only watched Lilo and Stitch this morning, It kinda reminds me of someone.. uhmmm.. Who could it be?! I think it was Erika, Cha, Mira who gave him that name. tsk tsk..

I cried in that movie... Lilo and Stitch. I told you I was shallow!!!

2005-09-06T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm half excited and half nervous.. why?! Because I'm gonna start having my driving lessons tomorrow. And take this, I haven't got any experience about driving a car. Haha. It was two weeks since I got my permit to take driving lessons but we can't find time for that since I've been devoting my time with my parents' choir. You know.. galeng galeng talaga nila. Before, I was hesitant to join them cause I might not blend in since they're all, like 25 years old and above. But then, I was wrong. Bait nga nila eh and I enjoy their practices and night-ins.We even sang at a wedding last Saturday. My mom said that their choir was one of the best in their place. And I guess it's obvious.

Is time getting slower or is it really boring?! Parang dumadaan lang sakin yung mga librong binabasa ko eh. Like.. The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks, Shopaholic ties the knot and Shopaholic and sister by Sophie Kinsella. One book a day.. It's like wasting money.. not really!! But You know what?! I was really at bliss with my purchases yesterday. It was Labor Day and lots of malls and department stores are on sale. I bought a lava lamp in pink and an iPod speaker which is sooo small and.. white?! hehe..

Gaah.. I'm going back to work tomorrow! After a day of working at that dental office, I was like.. Yaw ko na!! But my boss asked me to come back to help out with the charts. Well.. okei! Pera din yun!! Pambayad sa phone line.. tsk tsk.. But I hope I do get a more interesting part-time job but not the those in the fastfood.. Sana sineswelduhan na lang ako sa pag-aalaga sa lola ko. Kidding!

I was happy when my friends texted me that they already received my letters. Speed!!hehe.. I hope they write back. OH! The thrill of opening letters.. I miss that!

2005-09-01T16:56:00.000-07:00

I am now enrolled at American Career College. Well, from there it's gonna be a tough road to finish with my Bachelor's degree. But I'll do my best. I really will.

Lately, I've been feeling lonely because I'm always left at our house with my grandma. I've got nothing to do but watch TV and sleep all day. That's why I get sooo depressed that sometimes I just wanna cry. I can't help but think of what my loved ones in the Philippines are doing as of the moment. I really miss all of them. I do hope that they would continue communicating with me. *Hoy.. pasayahin nyo ko* hehe..

We were supposed to go to Arizona this weekend because of the Labor Day Holiday. But since, it's once again short-noticed, we didn't go on with the plan because it'll require hotel reservations and everything. I think we're going somewhere nearer.

Tonight, I'm going with my cousins to watch a movie. I hope it would be fun. Uhmm.. I haven't watched films lately. So? I guess, it's about time to.

2005-08-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

I think I'm gonna enrol at American Career College. Although that school was the most expensive out of all the schools that we inquired, my mom and papa thinks that they have better features. hehe. especially with their bridge program to RN. Yah right?! The admissions officer told us that the tuition fees include the uniforms, textbooks, and supplies. Whatever that means. Then the Financial Aid person told me and my parents that I'm not eligible for the federal grant because of my parents' income. So we only had our eyes to that student and parent loan and I was thankful that most of the fees went to the parent loan.

Anyways, last Thursday me and my parents went to the Universal Studios. It was fun but there was a lot of people and the line for the rides were sooo long. My mom bought me an annual pass to that theme park so I need not worry about the rides I wasn't able to go to. The only problem is to find time for that when school starts.

Now, I'm stuck at home taking care of my grandma who is soooo kulit..

2005-08-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

Haven't got time to visit places here. Sobrang busy with different paperworks. Although at times we drop by the mall to buy stuff like groceries and clothes since I wasn't able to bring all of my clothes.

I celebrated my birthday last Saturday here at home with my relatives and my mom's friends. There were so many people and I was just too happy because of their presence and their gifts. Bad! At least I met my cousins and my relatives. Although part of me was lonely because most of my loved ones and friends are in the Philippines and I sooo miss them. *Sobrang sarap ng mango cake from red ribbon and I won't miss filipino food here.

It's only my second week but I'm already tired of doing paperworks and trying to look for school. School starts this month but I haven't got one yet. But I just finished my entrance exams (exams, because they're two!) for American Career College and...I passed. I'm eligible to register but then I'm having second thoughts because it's too expensive. 26,500 dollars!! That's too much! Haii.. i still have another exam tomorrow for Summit Career College. I hope I pass that one because the tuition fee is lower and that the environment is good so my parents would agree. By the way, the admissions officer told me and my parents that I should have a car and that I know how to drive because the clinical whatever is quite far and that at one point during the year I would be required to attend evening classes. I hope my parents would buy me a car. (Sequioa!!) haha..

Anyways.. I hope you guys would text me more often. haha. I miss all of you.. and you too, Pig!

If you would want to know my roaming number.. just leave me a message! Okei?!

2005-08-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

Guys.. I'm already here. Sabi ni mommy summer daw dito, but the breeze is cool huh?! Compared to our weather in Manila.

I'm feeling lonely. I sooo miss my friends, my relatives, and most especially Martin. Text nyo naman ako. So I won't feel sad here. I still keep on thinking what you guys are doing there. I keep on looking at my watch, which by the way, is still Philippine time.

Anyways, I would like to take this oppurtunity to thank everyone who attended my party eventhough it was short-noticed. Actually, we're not prepared. All the while, we were thinking that it was only a dinner. But when we arrived at the function room, we saw that it was really arranged like a debut party. So, we had no choice but to make a program. That's why it was a bit chaotic.

To all my Trinitian friends who attended.. Thank you for that special number.. na-touch talaga ko! I wasn't prepared for that. Syempre, kaya nga surprise diba?!

To my Nazarethan friends.. I know it was really short-noticed, but still you came.

NSSC.. I love you soo much.. Thank you for staying even after the program. Mamimiss ko videoke sessions natin.

Bratz.. kahit tatlo lang kayo, you made me happy. Tween, don't cry. baka maiyak din ako.

My relatives.. Thanks for always being there for me. Lam nyo naman yun diba?!

Martin.. thanks for being my escort that night. Though you're not as much dressed as I am. I appreciated it sooo much. I miss you a lot. I love you.

It's on tuesday!

2005-08-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

I'm scheduled to leave the Philippines on Tuesday. I just don't know the exact time because my mom only talked to tita Leth. So?! I don't know the details of our flight. My mom is actually on her way, later, here. Then, we're gonna go to US on Tuesday. Oh di ba Sosyal?! Di sundo ako! Haha.

I'm sorry that I only told this now. I only knew about this yesterday, and about my flight, a while ago. I know it's quite short-noticed, but then, this is what I really wanted ever since.

I'm gonna miss all of you..
my Trinitian friends
my Nazarethan friends
Bratz
NSSC
my titos and titas
my cousins
..Martin!!

I'm sooo not prepared for this. I haven't started crying yet. Kinakabahan ako.. Baka pag nagsimula na ko umiyak eh, I won't stop na. Ganun kasi ako eh.

It's Sooo Hard To Leave...

2005-08-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

Haii.. Sobrang mixed emotions talaga. I'm happy because finally God has answered my prayers. I'm gonna be with my mom and papa. But then, I will not be able to celebrate my debut here because I have to be there before I turn 18. I feel bad just the thought of leaving the people who took good care of me, made me stronger.. Aii.. I don't wanna leave with a heavy heart. But I've been praying for this.

Nahihiya ako dun sa mga taong inabala ko for my debut. I'm really sorry. I hope you'd understand.

I was sooo excited pa naman bout that debut. I was alloting most of time for that. But I don't regret having chosen this decision.

I have a very limited time left in staying here.. So?! If you want to tell me something, tell me now. If you want to give me something, give it to me now. Before it's too late.

Guys, I'm really sorry.. I really am. Nevertheless, I'm thankful that I've crossed paths with all of you.

2005-08-02T19:38:00.000-07:00

Gah!! My birthday is becoming nearer and nearer.. I'm not really sure whether to be excited or nervous. I wish that my birthday would turn out great. I really wish for that. So?! I do hope that all of the guests that I invited would come,,, with gifts!! Haha..

We had our usual three-hour break yesterday. Would you believe that I was sitting on the exact, same chair for three sleepy hours. But when Joanna arrived, that's when we started to find something to do with our time. We played that "dugtungan" thing, wherein one will sing a song, then the next one will sing another song starting with the last word the previous one sang. Get it?! Super laugh trip.. Especially when Jodette sang.. "Who is that doggy in the window?!" Then I was like.. "Who ka jan?! Diba how much un?!" Then we also tried impersonating female OPM artists.. Jodette was really good. Nice one Jessa!! We didn't even realize that it was already time for our socio class. What a nice way to kill time. Isn't it?!

What do I like for my birthday?! A lot of people have been asking me about it.
Oh well.. these are the things that I want as of the moment of writing this post:
1. By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept by Paulo Coelho
2. Havaianas
3. Targus Sphere or JBL ON Tour (iPod mini speakers)
4. that beaded shirt from People Are People
5. new chandelier earrings
6. PSP
7. Leather journal
8. the big black with green piping tote bag from bench
9. boleros

That'll be it for NOW. I'll post the rest later.. haha!

:)

2005-08-01T07:42:00.000-07:00

Whew! This day is uber tiring.. As in!

First, I was sooo sleepy during my Health Care class. Imagine, sitting for more than three hours with the aircon at you. Who would not want to fall asleep?! But I guess, it wasn't just me who felt drowsy. Joanna felt the same, too. My mind felt as if it was on hiatus. I could not force it to listen to my professor.

Then, I did not get to finish my Computer hands-on on time. So, I still have to come to class next meeting. Darn! I hate it!

And the worst part, me and my groupmates decided to finish dissecting the spinal cord and brain of our cat at Martin's house. Little did we know that there'll be four groups who will be there. We didn't have gloves and face masks, so me and Jodette volunteered to buy. While walking towards our school, I realized that the bookstore was already closed. We decided to go to the Medical Supplies Store at the other side of E. Rodriguez. Equipped with a dysfunctional umbrella lent by Mr. William Gallardo, I was wet all over when I came back to martin's house. My shoes were having its own version of the Espana flood. Tsk tsk. Martin immediately handed me a shirt to change. (He actually gave me that shirt!) haii.. relief!! Or so I thought. We were the last group to finish with our cat and that wouldn't be possible without the help of our other classmates.

Then, I was held too long along Espana because of the traffic. My mom already called me on the phone. Haii..

:(

2005-07-29T03:09:00.000-07:00

We had our anatomy earlier. And honestly, I quite enjoyed dissecting our cat. Yes, you read it right. I enjoyed it. At first, the feeling isn't really good. I wanted to throw up. But you know, maybe I just got used to it. So, there's more cooperation now from our group. Haha. Although our cat doesn't look like a cat anymore..

=============

I've become sooo moody these past few days. The reason behind it.. I'm really not aware! It's as if I've been having bad hair days recently. Argh.

Happy weekend to me.. and to all of you, too.

2005-07-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

So. It's gonna be on the 13th day of August.

It's a Saturday. So? To all those whom I invited, you have no reason not to attend.

Okay?!

Anyways.. Hello everyone. I missed blogging. Coz you know, I've been really busy with all my responsibilities.

First of all, I've been busy studying. Anatomy and Health Care can really be a pain in the ass. And I've been working real hard in Anatomy since I did not have the chance to take my preliminary written exam in both Lab and Lec. At least I got a lot of high scores in my quizzes and practicals. And you know what?! We've started dissecting our cats earlier today. Should I say, THEY started dissecting OUR cat, at least my groupmates did. I really didn't feel like dissecting. I hate it. The smell and all. Argh.. Well.. with Health Care, I'm doing good. Yes, I am!

With my other responsibilities.. like my birthday. Well?! It's going great. But I have other things in mind and in my heart. I'm still praying for a miracle and for my lifetime wish to come true. (God, please...)

Guys, please pray for me..

I've finished reading the sixth installment to the HP series. The ending was a bit sad, not just a bit. Actually, it was my cousin's book that I borrowed. I did not buy my own coz we live in the same house and it's a waste of money if I am to buy another one, right?! Although I have all the five books.

*As of the moment.. someone special to me caused me pain, yes, pain! A bit exaggerated, but that person isn't aware of the way I'm feeling. As I've always said, I'm just not vocal about what is really bothering me but that doesn't mean that there is nothing bothering me.

2005-07-24T04:18:00.000-07:00

To all those whom I invited.. Please be informed that I might (emphasis on the MIGHT!) celebrate my birthday on July 29, 2005. Yes, that is on friday. Same time, same place. I know it's a bit short noticed. I'll keep you posted about this because THIS IS NOT YET SURE. I'll confirm if this will be the date of my birthday celebration. Don't act unless I announce that it will really be pursued on this date. Okay?!

Please bear with me..

I would really appreciate it if you would contact me directly about this. I'm sorry for not being able to contact you all personally. I've been really busy with a lot of things.

If you would want to get in touch with me, here's a number... 09223772914!
or you can send me your messages.. through friendster!!

Thank you very much!

2005-07-03T03:17:00.000-07:00

Sira ba friendster?! Kainis naman... haii..

Anyways..

dahil dun nagpost ako uli dito..

sana maayos na!!!

2005-05-31T20:39:00.000-07:00

I am now officially a second year Nursing student! I have enrolled last monday. And my Gaaah.. everything was very disorganized. From the getting of the cards, the payment of the SNA membership, encoding of grades, to the assessment. I made it to Section 1, which, for me has the best schedule together with my summer classmates, jodette, joanna and martin. I hate the fact that Ineng was put into Section 2. Actually we almost had the same schedule except for our PE class which is every Saturday. Mine is from 8 - 10, hers is from 10 - 12.

I don't know if I'm gonna be happy or what.. We have Swimming for our PE! Have you seen me lately?! Oh maybe not! Or maybe you'll never see me at all.. hehe.. Get it?! And i still have like 4 sessions to attend to..

Anyways.. I already met Martin's mom. And tell you what?! When I went out of her office, I didn't speak for almost an hour. Not because she scared the hell out of me, but I guess I don't feel at ease when I talk to other people's moms or in this case Martin's mom, Ms. VP! She gave us advices about our Anatomy class.. which I find really kind of her to do so. Martin told me that her mom wasn't like that towards other people. He said that he usually snobs them. What does that supposed to mean?!

After the enrolment we went to the Gateway Mall. I was supposed to reserve for the sixth installation of Harry Potter. But then I thought that it would be better to ask my mom to buy it for me. Tipid!! hehe.. We watched House of Wax.. Kadiri!!

I find the movie Madagascar cute.. We watched it last Friday!! The penguins were so kewl... and the lemurs, too.

2005-05-26T05:19:00.000-07:00

Isn't it too early to start raining?! Not that, I miss the sun. It was just one of my random thoughts...

I really want to cut my hair short. As in, I'm super itching to go to the parlor and have a haircut. But, of course, I have to abide by Papa's rule that the shortest my hair can get is only up to the shoulders. Yes, I've tried having those boycut-style or whatever you may call it when I was in high school. And my mom would not allow me. After all, my debut is just three months away. And.... Martin doesn't want it. Diba ang cute pag may nagdedemand sayo.. hehe!! I really find it cute when he says no.

Anyways, I watched American Idol. I was a bit dissapointed that Carrie won. I was rooting for Bo. I don't have anything against Carrie.

NATULOY DIN.. SA WAKAS!!!
hehe.. As I've mentioned in my last post, me and my friends went to Club Manila East in Taytay, Rizal. I had sooo much fun. Ilang beses din na-postpone yun dahil sa pagbusy-busyhan namin. Sana maulit uli yun. Right JC, Krish, Camille, Krizia, Benj and Martin?! I'll post pictures soon..

2005-05-23T05:50:00.000-07:00

Jos me!!! 48 years bago magkaroon ng new post... Blame it on my summer classes...

Miss nyo ko?! hehe...

Anyways.. What kept me busy?! Uhmm.. Outline na lang ha?!

Case Presentation for Health Ethics. Actually, I really don't know if my presence has been essential for that matter. I felt useless!! But I must admit, I had fun being with my groupmates. Saya talaga. Kudos to Jodette, Martin, Maron, Cha, Eka, Aiza, Mira and Au! Galing nyo, Sobra! Sana maulit uli yun!! Gusto nyo?! teehee...

Literature Play. Yes, we had a play. TATARIN!!! The script was written by Eka and Au based on the story "Summer Solstice". Guess what?! Sige na, hula na!!! I played the lead role. I know it will come as a shock to those who know me, especially my high school batchmates for I am not really good when it comes to acting. But I felt challenged. I said to myself, "Maybe this is the oppurtunity to be able to prove to myself that I can do more!" Yuckkk.. feeling talaga!! I was really nervous. It's as if the grade of the whole calss will depend on me. Oh diba?! Talk about feeling. Nasobrahan na!!!

Yan ang 1NU08 after the play!!!

Exams, exams and more exams. No need to elaborate.

Swimming Lessons. I enrolled for Basic Swimming Lessons...again. This time at Trinity College. Grabe,.. I think I fell in love with the water. Maitim na, nagpapaitim pa. Kidding aside, I really want to learn more. I took lessons with Krizia / Ineng.

Haii..

Last Saturday, we stayed at the Holiday Inn Galleria Manila. We being Tito Rey, tita Leth, Katrina, Cheska, Joanne, and me. Haha.. nagpagod lang kami. Pero at least, nakabili na ko ng Pink Havaianas tyaka flats. Masaya na ko nun.

tsk tsk. Excited na ko bukas. Swimming kami Club manila East with NSSC. Sma kayo?! hehe..

Sorry ha?! Hindi coherent yung thoughts ko.

2005-05-05T02:32:00.000-07:00

So.. here I am again in a computer shop! Our PC is still isn't working and it's ruining my schedule. 'Coz everytime I had things to research about, or a report to present or simply a homework to type, I can't do it at home! And it's becoming sooo frustrating...

Yesterday, I accompanied Martin to Walter-Mart, since it's just a block away from school. It was a good thing that I went with him there because I got to buy the book, Between Dinner And The Morning After. Yey!! When he saw me and I was smiling, I waved the book in front of him. He frowned and said: "Bakit mo binili yan?! I was supposed to buy that for you.." I thought it was okay though.. at least I already have a copy of it. I told him that there are other books out there waiting to be purchased. hehe. But I haven't got the time to read because we'll be having our midterm exam for Health Ethics tomorrow and the deadline for the first part of the Case Presentation for the same subject.

Haii.. I never got the proper vacation I wished for. I just wish my mom would allow to go with my friends to different places. Yes, I do get a lot of invitations.

In three weeks' time, this summer "horror" classes will be over. I will miss some of my classmates for some of them were good to me and they're sooo cool....

2005-04-27T03:28:00.000-07:00

Our PC's been acting weird lately. The only reason why I had the chance to blog is that I am now in a computer shop researching for my report in Oral Communication tomorrow.

Anyways... summer class is REALLY tiring. Imagine going to school everyday, meeting the same teachers. Very much like high school. It's as if every meeting we have a quiz. And it has become sooo boring!!!

My cousin, Katrina has arrived last week. I'm glad that, FINALLY, my iPod and Cam is already with me. tsk tsk. Thank you talaga Mommy, Papa and Jay!!!

Til next time. Still have to go back to researching.

2005-04-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

We haven't had water running down our faucets for about three days now. And it sucks just thinking that I'm gonna meet up with Jodette after lunch and I haven't even felt water.. Buti sana kung hindi importante yung dahilan kung bakit kami magkikita. Diba?! Eh it's for our rap session tomorrow for Oral Communication. I'm nervous because I'm not into rap. Make me sing, make me dance. But please... do not make me rap. And I'm gonna do it in front of my classmates whom I'm not familiar with. I hate it!

Anyways.. summer class isn't going great. I admit. I hate the fact that I'm in school when I should be sleeping at home. Everything's sooo fast-paced. And I even have to find time to eat lunch since my schedule has no time for a break.

I was at the Gateway Mall yesterday with Martin. We were looking around when I saw an Oakley Halfwire in Dark Blue Lens. My stomach felt as if it had butterflies. I really wanted it... badly! But it's worth 9,900+.. And where would I get that much money?! Then when my mom called later in the evening, she told me that she wouldn't buy me that because I'll just get depressed if ever it gets stolen. She said she'll just buy me something less expensive. I agreed. As if I have another choice.

We watched Finding Neverland. Johnny Depp was good and he looked great!!

I've been having problems focusing in everything that I do.

2005-04-08T17:04:00.000-07:00

Two more days to go and I'm back to school for summer classes. Kung alam ko lang na last year was my last summer vacation.. Sana I made the most out of it. Kaya lang, the bum in me decided to stay home and laze around. I'm gonna take up 3 subjects = 9 units (Intro. to Lit, Oral Communication, Health Ethics). I'm somehow excited because I know for sure that we're gonna have new classmates since my former classmates did not enroll with us.

I just had my first shot for Hepa-A yesterday and Jodette accompanied me. A different physician entertained. She was scaring me, telling me that it hurts (intramuscular daw kasi!). But I didn't even realize that it was over. Maybe I was used to it.

Martin and I went to Rob. Place Manila. I bought a gift for my high school batchmate who will turn 18 on Sunday, April 10, 2005. We also watched Hide and Seek. Okey lang yung movie. I'm not really into those types of movies.

*************************************************

I really wanted to continue my swimming lessons and enroll for the Advance Class. I hope that mom would permit me to do so.

2005-04-05T04:31:00.000-07:00

After attending our very much tiring swimming lessons yesterday, with Jodette of course, we headed directly to school because we are about to get our grades and enrol for the summer program. I was really nervous, to tell you honestly, because Martin told me to go to her mom's office and talk to her about the enrolment. It was really freaking me out. The fact that, I'm gonna go to his mom while he is still in Baguio.

While we were on our way, my phone rang. The name that registered was Charlene, my former classmate. I answered it. A guy answered back and said, "I love you!" I was shocked and kept asking who the guy was. Then that was when it came to me that it was Martin. I passed the phone to Jodette. I really don't know what to say. I'm really not a fan of surprises. Jodette was thinking that I did not guess who the guy on the phone was.

When we reached the gym and got hold of our grades, I wasn't shocked anymore. But it was only STS that deprived of being in the Dean's List again. Twas very frustrating. Anyways, Martin showed up thinking that I will be surprised. I was really happy at the moment because all thw while I was thinking that we will not be together on that very special day. The enrolment was very tiring. The line on the cashier was very long. But since Martin is known by the people there, they opened a line specially for me and my friends. We were only few from 1NU32 who enrolled that day. But I'm contented. At least, Martin and Jodette became my classmates.

Afterwards, we went to SM Manila to watch The Pacifier. It was a good movie. And should I say Vin Diesel was damn hot! We went home right after the movie because it was getting late.

***While we were in the moviehouse... he gave me something. He has the exact same thing. I was really touched and I forgot all the problems that we were encountering as of the moment.

'Nuff said!!!!

2005-04-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

I talked to my Mom a while ago. And, yes, I already told her the news about my grade. She told me that she would not scold me because it wasn't that bad and that I should study harder. Oh! How I love my Mom.. I promised her that I would do better. Maybe I was overreacting...

I told her that I was doing good with my swimming lessons. Our trainor taught us freestyle and breaststroke. But I find breaststroke easier, unlike Jodette. She's really good with freestyle though.

Anyways, while I was talking to Martin, my cousin Joanne called me up. She asked me if Martin had a dog named Tequila. I said yes. She told me that martin is in the pages of Candymag. It is about his dog peeing on the clothes of the girl that he likes, I think. She recognized him because there was his picture. I asked Martin about it and he confirmed it. The only thing that bothered me was that I was not that girl he was talking about... Hmmmm.. Who was it then?! Tsk tsk..

Kaw Martin ha?! Sino yun?!

I really miss him.. He has to make sure that he brings home something for me from Baguio or else... :)

I'm relieved that my Mom did not get angry with me...

Thank God.. ;)

2005-04-02T04:00:00.000-08:00

We can really never have it all!!! Parang kailan lang nung masayang masaya ako because i was really contented with everything that has been happening, then, *poof*!!! Bliss is gone... Why?! Because my stupid professor in STS gave me a 2.5!!! How stupid was that?! She gave my friends failing marks!!! Kainis talaga...

Lam mo ba yung feeling na?! You did everything! Stayed up late at night, woke up early, skipped meals just to study the handouts that were given?! I feel discouraged.. Parang bang all of my efforts were nothing!!

Haii.. Goodbye Dean's List! Goodbye scholarship! Goodbye Honor Society! And the worst part, I still don't know how to tell my parents. They were expecting sooo much from me. Sana hindi sila magalit. Sana they won't find a reason why it led to this. Yung tipong hahanap sila ng masisisi, then, forbid me to do things. I did not neglect my studies. I know that for sure. I sooo hate that professor. Sana maintindihan ako nina mommy and papa.

Nakakainis talaga.. Pero buti na lang Martin told me yesterday.. Kaysa naman sa Monday ko pa malaman, then, cry in front of many people. Diba?! At least, it will not come to me as a shock anymore.

These are the times when I really want to be with my loved ones. Unfortunately, they are not with me right now. And that just sucks big time. I miss my mommy and papa, mommy Elsa, Martin and my friends.

God, help me... puhlease!!!

2005-03-25T22:41:00.000-08:00

Last night, we went to the airport because Tita Leth, Katrina and Cheska went to America for at least a month. I miss them. It's only been a day, but I really miss them. As of the moment of writing, they are already there. I think at my mom's house. I'm just glad that they reached their destination safely.

I also missed Martin. A lot. I think he's already on his way to Manila right now. I just don't know if he's gonna go here. I miss him terribly. Although, kaya ko pa naman. Kasi sya eh. I was used to being with him everyday. Haha. I also needed to rest these Holy Week because I sooo deserve it.

Anyways, me and tito Rey went to SM Manila a while ago. He bought me a Pastel Pink Chuck Taylor...

Okei ba?!

I just hate the fact that I'm not feeling well... :(

2005-03-23T01:10:00.000-08:00

I'm sooo glad to say, that finally, second semester horror is over!!! I can say that this semester was tougher than the first. Whew!! I'm just praying that I still reach the quota grade, and if God permits, that I still be a dean's lister.. Oh Gaaah! I really do pray for it will help a lot with my family's expenses. Haii.. But if not, I'll just be happy that second semester is over. No more STS. No more Ms. Sarmago. No more boring Filipino 102. No more NSTP. Haii.. Lots of load off my chest. And finally summer is here! Although I'll only enjoy it for two weeks or so. I'll be back to school on April 11.

After our final exam in STS yesterday, me and Martin bummed around our house. Just making fun of everything. Talking about our past, you know, when we were just classmates, when we were talking about our exes without ever thinking that we would be together someday. He was making fun of me everytime I pout my lips. I really don't get it when he laughs with the littlest of things that I do.

Anyways, by now he is already in Zambales with his friends. What am I to do for four days?! Uhmmm,.. Maybe i could start cleaning my cabinet of one semester's worth of clutter. Yeah, that would be a great idea. Or maybe, I could meet up with my friends. Or maybe, just maybe, I could rest, laze around because I deserved it.

I was so happy when I received my English Research Paper about Mary Magdalene for I got a flat 1! Yippee..

I also finished reading Vince's Life that Joanne gave me. It was a good story and i can very much relate to it.

A Day With My Twin

Yes, I just separated with my twin a while ago. After getting my last shot for Hepa-B at 10 am, which should I say hurt a lot, I met up with Jodette at our school. She's been having problems with her boyfriend and asked me if I could accompany her not only because she was lnoely but also to buy a new bathing suit. Why?! Because we decided to enrol ourselves for swimming classes this summer. We went to Greenhills, SM Cubao, Ali Mall and Gateway. At the end of it, all that I bought were: a pair of boardshorts, swimming cap and two pairs of earrings.

Ah.. the high price of being depressed.. right twin?!

2005-03-15T02:32:00.000-08:00

We're done filming for our documentary. Should I say that after all those days of planning and going to and from Luneta, I am sooo tired?! Yes, tired.. as in tired tired!! We went there last night. I almost cried when we discovered that the camera was not working... again! Luckily, after about an hour of "chikahan" and "kainan", the camera worked properly. Kala ko masasayang na naman yung punta namin eh. We decided to end our adventure at 11 pm last night because it was getting too late.

When we woke up.. we tried watching the film. Waahh.. It turned out that there's something wrong with the camera or the battery that the images were distorted and there was no audio. I almost cried when I saw Martin. Sobrang pressured na ako with everything. I'm too tired and I told him that I will not come back to Luneta at night if it's for that documentary. I know that my parents and my guardian are already mad at me for always letting my friends sleep at our house evertime we have to film at night. Tapos iniisip ko pa kung tatanggapin ni Ma'am hervas yung final draft ng Research ko... Fortunately, she did. Then, we had our quiz for STS. Oh Gaah, I hate that subject.

Tapos ang init-init pa sa Luneta kanina. I'm just really thankful that my groupmates were my friends (bratz), Grace (cheatmate) and Martin (nuff said). Tomorrow we're gonna come to school early to edit our documentary. So many deadlines to meet. Haii...

2005-03-12T18:09:00.000-08:00

Luneta

Whew! I really had fun there. You might be wondering... What's fun with being in Luneta?!

Before anything else... Our documentary in Filipino 102 is all about Luneta or Rizal Park or whatever you may call it. I had fun because I was with my friends, errmm.. namely: aj, joanna, jill, krislen, grace, levi, twin jodette and martin. Although the weather was not good at all, coz it was hot, I still enjoyed, a lot! My face hurt because of much exposure to the sun. Hehe.. Feeling!

We went back at night to continue filming. But much to our surprise.. the cam went berserk. Too bad, we had to do it all over again.

We etill had fun though. I was with grace, joanna, jill, jhay and levi. Actually, Levi guarded me the whole night per Martin's command. Wherever I went, Levi was following me.

Afterwards, when we felt that we still had much time, we went to baywalk. We walked from Luneta to Baywalk. We only realized that it was quite far when we were already in the taxi on our way home. Told ya, we enjoyed that much.

End of semester.. almost!

In less than two weeks, the second semester will come to an end. And with that, comes all the projects, papers, quizzes and exams. To tell you honestly, I'm really tired of all these and I'm looking forward to the summer. Although this semester was kinda hard academically, I can say that it was fruitful. Why?! IN time, you'll know. For now, I can say that I'm happy though tired. Waaahh... My body and mind cries out in pain.

2005-03-09T15:54:00.001-08:00

I wasn't in a good mood yesterday and that's all because of those persons whom I thought would understand me. Thank you very much! I don't really know where this petty thing would lead, all I know is that I was hurt.

Thanks to you that my mom got angry because I wasn't talking to her appropriately. It totally ruined my day. It sucked.

I'm not asking you to say sorry. All I want you to do is to analyze the situation. I don't want to make it hard on all of us. That's why I just keep quiet and I promise you... I'll let it pass. I'll be civil towards all of you. I know that this won't be permanent. Unless, you'd want it to. Anyways.. God bless! I hope that this would be A-okay soon.

My defense for my English Paper will be on Friday. I'm actually nervous as of the moment. I still don't know what to do. Haha. I haven't printed for my final draft. Thanks to Procrastination. Oh gaaah... Please pray for me.

Luckily, I still have my twin and him. Tnx.

2005-03-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

2005-03-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

I'm really sorry for I haven't blog for the longest time. I have been busy with a lot of school works since the semester will end in less than three weeks. I really hope that I can find time to blog this week. I have a lot of things to work on:

- Philosophy Reaction Paper about the debate we watched last Thursday (Christianity has done the Philippines more harm than good)
- Final touches for my English Paper (Mary Magdalene, Life and Lifestyle: An Analysis)
- Chemistry Research Paper (Parkinson's Disease)
- Filipino Documentary (Topic: Still on debate)

And a lot more quizzes this week...

Anyway... I'm sooo happy.. Despite all of my responsibilities, I sure am happy and that's all because of one guy who put back the smile on my face, who never fails to make me smile even though he's the reason why I frown. Yes, I do get "pikon" because he gets to my nerves most of the time! I can't tell how deep my feelings are, but for now, I smile because of the things that are happening between us. I know it will be a shock to most people I know and who knows me. I am happy that he gets along with my friends very well. (Don't worry NSSC! I'll introduce him..)

Who would have thought that I will be the apple of the eyes of tcqc's vp's son?!

It's not beause of his reputation that made me take a second look. It's just that, he's very patient and understanding. And, he's willing to wait.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY JOANNA GARCIA!

I wish you all the happiness that you deserve. And you know what?! I'm really thankful that you made me one of your friends because you were always there.. Especially those times when I was feeling low, trying to heal a broken heart. Cliche as it may sound.. I love you and your name will always be etched here in my heart. The short time that we've known each other (and still going on..) was one of the best times. Always take care of yourself.

Anyways, now that we don't go home together as much as before (all because of Martin bringing me home!), I miss you even more. Haha. It's as if we don't see each other everyday. Luv u Jabsie!